Of This Arrangment (Joyabe)

[Joyabe]

The more time they spent together, the more one unavoidable conclusion became clearer- their communication seemed to hold a certain pattern to it, the theme of which being the lack of a proper one. How the hell did they constantly manage to get themselves into some kind of an argument? Why couldn't they just properly and rationally talk about things, in a calm and mature manner? Maybe Connor could have stopped for a minute there and realize he was at least half of the problem. Well, he could have, in theory, if he wasn't so busy at getting incredibly, indescribably, furious at his fiance.

 

It's not the yelling he minded- that was pretty much a given after he barged in spewing accusations everywhere. The shouting he could have handled. No, the problem was the things Ravi was saying. Was... was he taking him for a fool? Did he not realize the things he was saying were full of contradictions? In fact, some of the things he was saying were borderline alarming simply because they seemed like something taken out of his own thoughts. Was it possible Samuel passed him some useful information he was now using to confuse him? Although, what reason on earth did Ravi have to intentionally confuse him? Nothing was making sense anymore.

 

All he knew was that he shouldn't believe anything Ravi was saying. He can't believe he wasn't disgusted with him- he was there. He saw his reaction. And he should just go ahead and crush that stupid tingling feeling that reared its head when Ravi said he didn't hate the kiss. Or that he wanted more. Or that he cared enough to take care of his room on his own. Or that he wanted him for himself...

 

No, no, there wasn't room for any of that.

 

What he should be angry about was the fact Ravi nearly bit him. And yet, alarmingly, he didn't mind that much. Okay, so it probably was somewhat on the rude side to bite someone without their consent. And... well, he could see how the thought of someone drinking your blood, more so without warning or consent could be bad. But honestly, that was the last thing he cared about right now. He was starting to come to terms with the fact his sense of self-preservation and survival was practically non-existent when he was around his fiance. Fine, so he would be left with a scar. That could be a bit of a consequence... but nothing more seemed to happen to the people in their clan that were bit by vampires. Even if the scar didn't fade away the same way regular wounds did, that seemed to be the extant of the damage. From what he could tell the bloodsuckers could actually control their production of venom so there was no real danger there. Ah, but maybe it was another one of those special abilities things? Still, even if it was, he couldn't seem to get truly angry over the whole near bite thing.

 

The thing that actually made him angry was the last few sentences out of his betrothed mouth. That also seemed to finally snap him out of the momentarily muteness that seemed to affect him. "It's your scent that got us into this mess!" he retorted, a little amazed somewhere in the back of his mind that this was a mutual thing. Although, maybe for Ravi anyone with a beating heart was the same. That, however, didn't really matter right now. "And you're the only one feeling like that? What, you think I go around kissing people just 'cause I feel like it?!"

 

Ravi was so lucky they were out in the open, because Connor was suddenly hit with the uncontrollable urge to throw a vase at him. Unfortunately, there were none of those to be found in the small meadow they were standing in. "Don't fucking lie to me!" he slammed his forearm against a nearby tree, causing it to shake in a way no tree should shake upon being hit by a person, much less so a person Connor's size. Sure, it was a little painful but he needed to vent out his frustration on something that wasn't Ravi's face (Do you really? You kind of have a unhealthy obsession with that face. Don't you interfere you). "You're not even making sense. You're just giving excuses that don't even line up. What the hell does caring for the room has to do with hunger? I wasn't even there!" The more he talked, the louder his voice got. If he would continue like that he's going to lose his voice completely, but he couldn't help it, and didn't particularly wanted to. He was past seeing red- his vision was painted a bright, dangerous, loud crimson.

 

"You can at least have the basic decency of being honest with me. You didn't hate it?" he snarled "I saw the face you were making! Don't treat me like I'm an idiot!" that last word was almost screeched, accompanied by another slam of his hand against the poor tree that fell victim to his rage, followed by a low hiss. Yeah, okay, that hurt. He still didn't care, even enjoyed the pain a little, but his forearm seemed to insist on reminding him he could still feel things. But it wasn't the physical pain that bothered him right now. His mind was in such a state of chaos he didn't even know what he was feeling anymore, so much so that any comprehensible feeling was very welcomed. Even if that feeling was pain.

[Theseus]

Every emotion seems to be eating away at him, burning within him none too pleasantly to make themselves known. This arrangement really wasn't one of the best ideas. Maybe a month or so ago, he would've found immense joy at proving such wrong to mother. However, bearing witness to it, after throwing nearly everything in the open as the small wolf stays mute, Ravi wished his mother was right. The sky darkened, the clouds coming in to float past the brilliant light of the moon to gift them momentary darkness. He couldn't find any energy left to resent nature's impeccable timing for dramatic scenarios. He took a step back; it would most likely be a good idea as to tell mother that the ceremony must be called off. He needs to be kept a safe distance from his fiance, and Connor.....Connor was still silent. Ravi wanted to keep yelling, to hear what the other has to say even if it would end up being venom spat in his direction or him being cursed to the deepest depths of the underworld. He did not care. The very idea of not knowing what the runt was to say, it should be embarrassing but, it frightened him.

 

At the abrupt outburst from his lover, Ravi snapped his eyes back towards the wolf. What. "My scent?" he parroted back with some lace of outrage in his voice. How was it his own scent that caused them harm? Yes, vampires do have scents however, not very potent for some. One in two, really,but why is this of concern at the moment with the new accusations the small wolf was throwing at him? Fury began to pulse beneath his skin; Ravi did not care that it was a tad bit unhealthy to fall onto anger to release some of the pent up emotions flooding the back of his throat. Then again, considering it's him, when has anything he's done been seen as healthy? "I would not know since I don't know a single thing about you!" He matched volume with the wolf, eyes burning an illuminating cardinal that matched in color of the flowers surrounding them. (Even if the wolf did find the company of different strangers, even though such a thought made something disgusting possessive rear its head, he's not one to judge. Not with his record of many beds he left empty years ago.)

 

Ravi does not even know what was going on anymore; he was going to walk away, give Connor some distance even. Maybe discuss the issue with mother and call off the arrangement permanently. Perhaps even find himself afterwards wallowing in his self-loathing and shame before trying to forget the wolf's existence before succeeding in due time. (An easy plan with minimal damage. Mother would just have to find another way to find peace with the mutts, maybe by doing the correct way and sign a simple peace treaty.) But it seems that, yet again, Connor pulled him back in. And effortlessly, might he add. He really wishes this was more simple.

 

The small temper tantrum from the other was quite the sight; he watched with some sliver of awe at the show of strength the small runt displayed. Which was quickly snuffed out, at the accusing sentence thrown his way. He was lying? Him? The, shockingly, only honest one here?

 

Connor, did have a point. His own feelings were contradicting themselves, causing more confusion for the both of them. Perhaps, it's a cause from ignoring them for such a long time? For refusing to acknowledge them, for forcing himself to name them something different? Maybe, it was him causing the harm with his own puzzling feelings. Was he still using it as an excuse now, though? Ravi refuses to believe so, even if it was true. There he goes again, making perfectly unhealthy decisions. Of course the wolf wasn't there, but; "Even if you were not there physically, I worried over how you were! Wondered what you were doing! As if I could not simply think without you plaguing my thoughts!" It's infuriating, having to speak these thoughts, to acknowledge that they were thoughts.

 

Ravi watched the wolf with rage (and amazement) as he strikes the tree once more, the large plant groaning as it fell over and onto the forest ground. The thud echoing and causing a few birds in the distance to flock away with terrified screeching. Why are they even doing this? Why couldn't they communicate normally? Ah, the runt hurt himself. He shook himself; no, no he should not care if the mutt was idiotic enough to harm himself in some tantrum. Yet, he felt something tugging on him in the direction of where the wolf stands. Concern. Snarling, Ravi stomped towards his fiance. "You think I'm one to lie about something I hate? Do you not recall when we first met?" His actions were more gentle than the way he spoke, his hands gingerly taking the arm the runt abused to see if it was broken from that little display of anger. Honestly, what was the small wolf thinking? Doing something like this, and seeming to not care for the consequences. (It sounds an awful lot like someone we know. Now is not the time. )

 

As he smoothly inspected the appendage, Ravi muttered; "That face was towards myself for nearly biting you; I felt shameful, even guilty, for reacting like the monster many described us as. That at that moment, I had no control." That, was the most sensible sentence he had conjured at the moment. (He wondered, vaguely with some humor, how his mother would react to seeing how they were communicating. Actually, how is she to react when Connor goes back and he's injured? Ah, he should disappear for the rest of the day then. For he knows she would react first before she questioned.) Ravi sighed; "I do not know why you even did this to yourself, you might have bruised something immensely."

 

He hates himself a little for worrying when they were suppose to be at each other's throats.

[Joyabe]

This was so frustrating. And the more he vented out, the more angry he seemed to get. It was as if he was just fanning the flames further instead of putting them out. And the answer Ravi had for every one of his accusations sure wasn't helping. He wanted to yell at him. To hit him. To tackle him to the ground again. To do anything that would make this horrible feeling go away.

 

There was a moment where he even contemplated just turning around and running away- when his fiance decided to get even closer to him. He already knew nothing good ever came out of them being in close physical proximity to each other. But just like every other time, he seemed to be unable to tear himself away from the other. And, well, what he said next gave him enough of a something to think of, enough so that he didn't instinctively pulled his arm away Ravi took it to examine it. Well... he wasn't wrong. Even though it seemed like they went through about everything possible since then, he could still remember the distaste and hatred with which Ravi looked at him back on that first night. He didn't want to, and the memory alone was making him feel even worse now than he did back that night, but he definitely remembered it clearly. That... kind of made his whole argument crumble. Because if Ravi really did hate him, then why wouldn't he admit to it the same way he did so openly when they first met? Surely nothing happened to change his character that much in such a short amount of time.

 

Great, now he was even more confused. He was so confused he forgot to pull his arm away again (and yet now you're fully aware and your arm is still right where Ravi wants it. And you certainly don't seem to want pull it away either... you stop it with your logic and honesty. Nobody asked you). So... when Ravi looked at him the way he did back then in the mansion it was actually a reflection of his feelings towards himself? Connor's forehead creased at the thought. The image of his expression still made him feel as if someone punched him in the gut whenever it floated to the surface of his memory. And even though he knew it was his interpretation of things and the result of the baggage he was carrying, he still didn't want anyone to look at Ravi with those kind of eyes. Even if that someone was Ravi himself. God, his brain sure was a questionable place.

 

"You're doing this again" he quietly complained as Ravi examined his arm. For some reason, suddenly he couldn't find it within himself to raise his voice the way he did only a second ago. The way he so ardently swore he wanted to a moment ago. It was just... so confusing all over again. Ravi was yelling at him, but then touching him so gently just to make sure he was okay. He was saying he was looking at him with nothing but hunger in mind, but then voicing out thoughts and emotions and acting in ways that had absolutely nothing to do with hunger. Thoughts and emotions and actions that made him happy and terrified and all in all so much more conflicted at the same time.

 

"You really don't know anything about me" he huffed in anger, although it was only a shadow of what he was expressing earlier. More like a child pouting and trying to forcefully hold on to face of being angry even though the storm was already long gone. "It's nothing serious. It's not broken and even if it's bruised it's probably going to heal by tomorrow" clearly, Connor wasn't the only one that didn't know much about what the other was. Seeing he saw his fare share of broken bones, he knew this wasn't one. And even if it was, it would have been completely healed in a matter of days. Did he really not realize he was not as fragile as he looked? The thought must have annoyed him a little, seeing he continued talking before he had the chance to think about it. "I didn't mind if you bit me either" he admitted quietly "it's just a small scar anyway. The guys at home would love it if they thought we fought" he rolled his eyes. They would probably love it even more if he lied and said he won, although he should probably keep that thought away from Ravi, at least for now.

 

"Are you always this concerned about your food?" he commented in that same low voice, a small, embarrassing pout on his lips. He wouldn't admit it even for his life, but his own words actually made him feel jealous. Did Ravi treat other people the same way? And even if he did, what right did he have to care? Why should he even care? He didn't know anything anymore. Just how was Ravi looking at him? What was he for him? They seemed to be stuck in some kind of vicious, strange cycle they weren't able to break, where every understanding was soon followed by a huge explosion. And he was so, so tired of it. "I'm just going to get the wrong impression again if you keep acting like this" he nearly whispered, eyes turned to look at the floor as his cheeks flushed red involuntarily. He hated being the one to admit it, but he hated feeling so confused even more. While he couldn't possibly bring himself to look the other in the eye as he said it, he just needed to stop this reoccurring pattern. They had enough to deal with in regards to this whole arrangement even without the unclear tensions between the two of them. It would be helpful to at least know on what terms they were before they had to deal with people on the outside.

[Theseus]

This vicious cycle of theirs, where one minute all seems well before another outburst brings them right back where they started, is dizzying at best. At worse, aggravating. It seemed no matter the progress, they cannot get past the simplest things without wanting to go for one another's throats. Can it be, that its cause was from the lack of honesty on his part? Alongside communication and knowledge of one another on both of their parts? Are they truly so different? (If so, then why does he find himself so fascinated with such glaringly opposing characteristics? It's not simply because his fiance was a wolf that intrigued him, no, no it made him cautious. Maybe, the personality. Yet...the last time someone entranced him to such an extent in very little time was.....no, he will not give her the respect of even being mentioned.)

 

Ravi is beyond the straightforward confusion. Purely out of not knowing what to say to Connor; he does not think telling the truth will get them anywhere, however, keeping it hidden seems to give the exact same results. But, if he keeps being honest with his lover, perhaps even share this puzzlement he's suffering from, it might give them something to work with? Maybe break this tangled cycle they seem to so easily fall to. Though, the idea is the most ideal, Ravi hates it all the same. Logically, he knows some sense of honesty will help them (even if he is still unsure of his own emotions), the vulnerability is holding him back. What if he says too much? Bare himself in front of the runt and show him all his weak points, and if what he thought of the wolf, that admiration and interest, was nothing but a fleeting curiosity? What then? He knows Connor and her are not the same person, no where close, and yet he still holds this small caution. The many consequences that could be plaguing his mind.

 

This could be the result of his own unsound way of dealing with certain situations. A silent sigh fell past his lips; perhaps, he could only show a little? Enough that it was honest, yet still little to keep face? Just in case, of course. One should never be too trusting, even with someone they know.

 

"Doing what?" He questioned, examining the arm a bit longer to make sure he did not miss anything. Really, why would the wolf do this to himself? Ravi would not care if the runt wanted to harm him, but to harm himself is beyond idiotic. (It might be his concern talking.) Also, what was it that the wolf was speaking of? That he always does this? He does not even know how this could be considered normal. Ah, his head is starting to hurt. Ravi sighed once more at the next sentence thrown his way. Granted, this one was not filled with malice like the previous ones (it even sounds like the small wolf is pouting), but it did irk him a tad. "And you don't know myself, a mutual lack of knowledge." Once more, there was the back and forth. However, this feels less as if he needs to tread lightly. Perhaps he was just tired from the quick changes of emotions and bursts of anger.

 

Frowning, he finally looked up at his fiance, annoyed with how dismissive he was with his self inflicted injury. "That does not meant this is alright. You should not be harming yourself so unnecessarily." Why was the runt seeing this so lightly? As if he does this regularly with no thought? My, he honestly does not know a single thing about him. Yet, this makes Ravi even more curious, wanting to know the meaning behind the lack of care for his own form. Wanting to know the story so desperately. He jolted, hold tightening on the wolf's arm momentarily before remembering the bruising on them. Loosening his hold up a bit, he stared at his lover with bewilderment. Does... Does he not know what he just said? Connor cannot just simply-!

 

Flustered, Ravi looked away; "Don't... say such things. Biting someone, especially a lover, is out of trust. I would not do it for some 'guys back home'." Though, the idea of them seeing that mark on Connor's throat, broadly displayed, caused something twisted within him to purr at the mere thought. (Maybe, this was far more than he initially thought, beyond complicated. Far more than he wished.) Gently, he trailed his fingers along the span of the wolf's arm, humming lowly as he accepts what he must do. "To this extent? Honestly?" He paused. "No." He did not care if the person (when he did hunt) was bruised or beaten. The form meaning nothing compared to the warm liquid within them. However, why is he worried over his fiance? As if he was his responsibility? As if he wanted him to be his responsibility? That, sort of gave new light to the situation. Granted, he still has the dull urge to sink his fangs into Connor's flesh, but was it truly out of hunger? Or...something else he can't describe just yet?

 

He titled his head; get the wrong impression? Ravi was a bit confused on this reaction since he did not know what wrong impression the other was speaking of. That is, until he noticed how the skin of the other's cheeks were flushed. Wait, did he mean. . ? It felt as if something was a float within him, causing those emotions before to warm dully into hope. He could be wrong, so very wrong, and yet he must be sure. Lifting Connor's arm, he pressed his lips softly against the skin of his wrist. A hesitant smile on his face. "What if I was to say it is not acting, but what I am truly feeling? Then," He could feel the wolf's heartbeat against his lips, could smell that infuriating yet intoxicating scent as he inhaled for the first time in awhile. "What would you're impression be,*iubițel?"

 

 

iubițel = baby, sweetheart, lover,darling... It can only be addressed to a Romanian man thou

 

[Joyabe]

The way in which his fiance seemed to be able to influence his mood so easily was disturbing, alarming, and frankly also a little annoying. He already made up his mind about keeping a safe distance, about not getting himself emotionally involved or invested in any way or form. He saw what happened whenever they strayed just a little outside the kindly polite territory. He knew better than letting himself get swept away by such idiotic, little things. And yet, he found himself, once again, being swept by idiotic, little things. Every quite sigh that left the other's lips seemed to awaken the urge, which he violently pushed back down, to reach out and comfort him- even when he knew fully well he was more than likely the cause of those sighs. And, on the other hand, the continuous touch to his arm, the care and worry he was showing him, were making that same dangerous warm feeling begin to bloom in his chest. He didn't even mind the rougher, even if unintentional, touch. The pain was noting in comparison to the dangerous comfort he found in his fiance's touch. Connor was almost positive he was starting to develop some masochistic tendencies.

 

Another problem was that the way the other was touching him, and the way it seemed he had no desire to break that contact, made it so they were, once again, very close to each other. Meaning, his judgement was once again very much compromised. In fact, all of a sudden his arm was very tired and he just had to bend the before straightened elbow, thus decreasing the distance between them even further (sure, because abusing a tree was fine, but holding your arm out for two minutes is too much. Right).

 

It was almost infuriating how easily Ravi seemed to be able to touch him. But then again, he seemed to have no problem with physical contact right from the beginning. He had no problem to flip completely a moment later either. And yet, even though he knew all of that, and even though he had more than enough experience to teach him otherwise, he had to hold himself back from burying his face in the other's chest and just listen to him talk. Why the hell was it that he turned into a well trained, obedient chihuahua whenever he was near Ravi? It was beyond embarrassing.

 

His reaction to what he did next, however, was even beyond beyond embarrassing. That strange feeling of elation that filled his body at the simple words spoken against his skin and the touch of the other's lips. The very noticeable, audible increase of his heartbeat. Hoe happy he was hearing the return of the casual Romanian. "Don't make me spell it out for you" he frowned, still refusing to meet his betrothed's eyes. It wasn't the gesture or the words themselves that got him embarrassed as much as it was his reaction to them. He was pretty sure even a deaf person would be able to hear his heartbeat right now. But... well how could he know that what just happened wouldn't happen again? Back in the mansion, Ravi seemed to be reciprocating his... feelings, whatever they were, before he had an abrupt change of mind. What was the difference between then and now? That was the first time he actually found real motivation to pull his arm back, which he did. "But I don't... just... I'm not sure what to do so all this won't happen again" he admitted as he rubbed his injured arm with his healthy one, not sure whether he wanted to wipe away the memory of Ravi's touch or rub it into his skin to the point in was engraved there.

 

Perhaps the first step would be to at least verbalize things. None of the scary, gigantic things. You know, those that were a problem even before he injected Ravi into the equation. But, well, like the more basic things. Like, for example, oh I don't know, establish some kind of mutual something between himself and the person he kissed without a warning on their second meeting. Finally lifting his eyes, Connor took a small silent moment to look at Ravi. He knew he should do something but... what? Almost as soon as he tried looking for an answer, one seemed to present itself. It might have been out of order and not according to traditions, but what the hell about them was according to traditions?

 

With a small sigh, Connor moved his hands to unclasp the necklace that was still hanging around his neck, well hidden behind the dark shirt he was wearing. Removing the golden links from his neck, holding them with one hand so that the small pendant that hang from them was shining in the dim light, he used his other hand to bring Ravi's hand to him, palm up, before placing the necklace in it. This necklace was his item of value, and a tradition in their clan- every newborn had one of those made. One side of the golden pendent, that wasn't bigger than a small coin, had the child's name and date of birth engraved into it. The other side held a sentence, a pearl of wisdom, different and individual for each child, that was carefully chosen by the elders. It was believed to be a piece of advice that is to accompany and assist them throughout their lives. Right now, the sentence that should have done the same for him, 'Ad astra per aspera', was twinkling at him from Ravi's palm.

 

Adding his other hand to the one that was already holding Ravi's, he closed the other's fingers around the necklace in his hand. "For the record though, I do trust you" he said in a low voice, keeping his hold on the other's closed hand. It wasn't like other feelings he didn't really want to contemplate right now (or ever really. After all, a lifetime of running away from then couldn't just magically get wiped away. Just the consequences of the meaning of admitting to something like that would be determinative). But trust was... safe enough of an emotion to admit to. And a good start (or at least he hoped so) for them moving forward without taking two steps back. "I've already made up my mind" he said, a sudden, strange feeling of calm settling into his chest after he had made the decision (he wouldn't admit to the part the feeling of Ravi's hand in his' had in it). "I'm not here because I was told to. I'm here because I decided to" he lifted his gaze to make sure he could find that of his fiance "I'm here because I want to".

 

 

Ad astra per aspera: through hardships to the stars/a rough road leads to the stars

 

[Theseus]

It should be seen as a problem, how effortlessly they seem to fall back into the same pattern. How they seem to influence each other quite greatly, as if in complete control of one another's being. This sort of relationship, intimate or not, was not safe. Toxic, even. He knows this. Knows it all too well, and yet he still finds himself trailing after the other. Following obediently, it seems, that noxious pattern they set up for themselves. Was it the thrill of it? Or the person that was involved? (He doesn't think both options should be the answer, but, it makes sense. Even if that knowledge is an alarming one.) Feeling the warmth of his fiance, smelling that heady scent of the wolf, Ravi now knew how much he does not wish for this to end. How he wants to fall completely into his lover. To be consumed entirely and forever. (This sounds all to familiar, too much for his liking.)

 

It frighten him, how easily entrapped he became with Connor. He should hate him, loathe him to his very core. Despise even being this close with the runt. However, here he was, holding himself close to a wolf of all things. (And he does not think he would have it any other way.) It frightened Ravi, yes, but it also it excited him. Made him yearn for what was more to come. It could be seen as unhealthily masochistic, plain insane to be quite honest. Though, there was no one to judge them, no one that would even dare speak up about this. And to be honest, this very arrangement in itself was seen as an act of mental illness on mother's part. So, would it really make things worse if he's starting to enjoy it? (Yes, considering that it was a wolf that he was becoming so fond over. One he barely knew yet longed to consume entirely. It's beginning to sound too much like-.)

 

Ravi huffed out a small laugh at the embarrassment of his lover (ah, and they are right back at the beginning it seems), pressing a kiss against the soft skin of the small wolf's wrist. Ah, Connor's heart was beating quite fast. Almost deafeningly so. He wants to tease him, just a little. Despite that they have to clear a few things up here to avoid falling into this vicious pattern once more in the near future. So he kept the teasing comments to himself, however, he could not stop the smirk from appearing across his lips. (Perhaps he was more sadistic.)

 

When his lover abruptly pulled his injured arm from his hold, Ravi was more than a bit confused at the lost contact yet he did not stop him. It maybe was not that bright of an idea to hold on to the other's most recently wounded arm. Oh well. Sighing, he ran his fingers through his hair; Connor does have a point. Though he himself was thrilled for the small moments of peace they had, what is to say that it won't be broken again? While, yes, he did come up with some solution to this problem, but would that truly fix the problem? Would it really go away or only lessen the next fury induced argument they'll find themselves in once more? "To be honest, neither do I." He admitted. "However, perhaps if I was a bit more sincere when something arises, it could be a step in a better direction."

 

He could offer that much to the wolf. For now. Ravi stared back at the small wolf when he finally lifted his gaze, finding himself a bit entranced with the color of them. What was his fiance thinking? Maybe, he thought of something they could do. Or, does he have something to say? The unknown behind that gaze left a bit of puzzlement for him, which only increased ten fold when the wolf reach for the back of his neck for something. Wait, was that the necklace that was suppose to be exchanged at the ceremony? Dread started to form heavily within his lower abdomen. No, no if this is what the wolf wants, then he should not feel so.. low. Was he reading the signs wrong? Did he let himself hope too much?

 

His eyes zeroed in on the golden chain, watching it illuminate as it swung under the light of the stars. The pendant's design itself was not something he has seen before. He frowned when the wolf grabbed onto his hand and settled the piece of jewelry into his palm. Adding his other hand to cover Ravi's fingers over the gift. He, was unsure as to what this sentiment meant. Unsure if it meant what he dreads, or what he hopes. (It's bothersome that after months of attempting to bribe mother into cancelling the arrangement, he now wishes his lover was still willing to go through with it. Despite its start. This shows how many parallels there actually is between the small wolf and.... and her.)

 

Connor really does trust him? That, should not make him so happy. That frankness should not affect him so much, nor should it make him this ecstatic. Yet when the wolf continued to speak, saying that he not only trusted him but wanted to stay here as well, something pleasant began to curl within him. Something fluttering within him that he could only name as happiness. A smile bloomed on his face as he leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss against the wolf's forehead. He was a bit afraid as what would come out if he chose to speak at that moment, however, he also wanted to show his lover through action. "And I want you here," he muttered, pressing one last ginger kiss against the small wolf's head before moving back, not being able to hold back his smile. (Somewhere, behind his subconscious, fear and doubt began to prickle underneath his contentment. What if this was just routine? What if once they return to the manor, they fall right back into that ill pattern? Or worse? He does not believe such concerns would leave so easily however, he refuses for them to be of worry during this moment. So, Ravi swallowed them down, pushing them far back as he cherished this moment for what it's worth.)

[Joyabe]

Okay. So they were talking. Good, that was... some kind of a progress? Of course, Connor wasn't an idiot. He knew they talked about things in the past and didn't really execute them (did somebody say civility and politeness?). And yet, he couldn't help but hope this would be some sort of a step in the right direction, because frankly, he was lost on what else he could do. He wasn't used to things being so complicated. Never in his life had he placed himself in a position in which he felt as exposed or vulnerable as he did with Ravi. But it was more than just about protecting himself- he actually wanted to make things work. He wanted to make this crazy, far-fetched, suicidal, unnatural, dangerous arrangement work.

 

That strange calm that enveloped him when he admitted to the part of his true feelings he could actually understand, made it so he didn't even realize just how much Ravi's answer mattered util he received it. Who knew so few words could make such a shift occur in his emotions? The calmness he was feeling made way for an almost uncontainable happiness, one that bubbled up in his chest and made it so he was feeling all embarrassingly jumpy and excited. Just how messed up did he have to be to have such a reaction upon hearing he was wanted?

 

And yet, an answer smile spread across his face as he looked up at the dazzling expression his fiance was wearing. In fact, that expression was probably at least fifty percent responsible for his own smile. It was a relief seeing his betrothed finally expressing happiness after the earlier turmoil. But it wasn't just about seeing Ravi happy. It was about seeing Ravi happy because of something he did. Only at that point did he realize there was this part of him that was certain he could only evoke expressions conveying negative feelings in the other. He dreaded so much seeing those expressions of hatred, rejection, regret and pain so clearly written on the other's face, knowing he was the cause or target of those emotions. The fact he could see the other smiling like that, his already handsome features brightening up by the expression, made him hopeful. Maybe their future together wasn't doomed. Maybe they weren't going to get stuck in this never ending circle of hurting each other, whether intentionally or not.

 

They still had a long way to go. He still couldn't define (or admit) to what it was exactly that was going on between them. but maybe, somehow, they'll be okay.

 

"That's a really good look on you" Connor murmured, still somewhat absorbed in the other's expression, as his eyes scanned the rare smile, unconsciously trying to engrave it to his memory. This is where they should be aiming for. This should be their normal- not the rare occasion that appears only after one of them does something stupid and they find themselves in some kind of a fight- physical or verbal. With a small sigh he tugged down on Ravi's hand, still grasped in his'. "No more running away, okay?" he both asked and requested. In reality, he would have loved to lean into those small kisses he was granted and just inhale the other's spell-inducing scent, but he wasn't sure how good of an idea that would be considering the turn of events that brought them there. No, no he should probably maintain a safe distance... he didn't want to make things bad again just when they were starting to make them better.

 

With another small sigh he finally let go of Ravi's hand, letting his now somewhat uncomfortably empty arms to hang aimlessly at his sides. "Should we go back, or are you planning on us camping here tonight?" he asked, letting himself wonder for the first time about where it was exactly they were and why did Ravi chose to go there. It didn't seem to be anything special... a small field, somewhere in the outskirts of the estate as far as he could tell. The only particular thing he could point to was the many poppies that surrounded them. Actually, now that he thought about it, didn't Ravi asked for those in the ceremony? It was funny how it seemed like this night was ages ago. But what was it about those particular flowers? Maybe Ravi just really liked poppies. It did seem like a bit of a stretch given the fact those seemed to come up on multiple occasions, but he didn't really feel like asking about it right now. More important was the decision on what to do next- they should probably go back to the mansion.Ugh, but he really didn't feel like facing his future family right now and explain everything that happened (even though they probably had a better understanding of it than he himself had).

 

He was also somewhat nervous about how to act around his fiance when they would, eventually and inevitably, return. While he was glad they could (sort of) sort things out, he was afraid that this strange magic that created that small, peaceful bubble of understanding they were in right now would disappear as soon as they'll go back to the manor. Who's to say they wouldn't fight again? Or go back into that almost strangers-like interaction with each other? Or what if they'll develop a new, awkward, phase to their relationship? That didn't seem like such an exaggeration. He was a bit at a loss about how he should and shouldn't behave- this strange relationship they had going on really was like nothing he had ever experienced before.

[Theseus]

The air around them, though somewhat biting, did little to affect his mood. Or even put any damper on the content bubble around them. And it should be somewhat of a bother for him for many of reasons. For one, they have done this dance once before. Such dance holding the same promise of there being a progress of their relationship, only for it to fall apart in their very hands. But this, this must be different, Ravi tries to reason with himself. Perhaps even lie to himself. He seems to be very good at doing that, at least. (It sounds pathetic, now that Ravi looks at the finer details of his unhealthy way of dealing with things. However, there isn't much he can do. He's a simple creature of habit, whom so happens to survive entirely off of blood but that is besides the point.

 

The answering smile on his lover's face, increased warmth with his chest. He wondered, briefly, how fast his own heart would be beating. Ravi guesses it's just a fleeting thought of what if's, impossible ones mind you. Though, he was more than joyful, knowing he was able to make Connor happy with simple words. Maybe, he should aim to do it more often. See just how bright thay smile can get. Ravi raised an eyebrow; a good look on him? Odd, did the wolf never seen him smile before? While yes, they known one another for quite a short period, but he must be sure he had some sort of smile. Excluding the one filled with malice intent during their first introduction.

 

He's trying very hard to forget that day, well, the first half of it filled with death threats and hatred.

 

Ah, running away. Ravi, does not think he can promise that. Granted, it should be a very easily doable request on his part. However, knowing himself quite well for two centuries, there is going to be a day he'll run away once more. Ravi wishes such a habit was not so engraved so deeply within him. Wishes that he could promise the small wolf, however, if he does and once more he runs off, he's certain that his lover would be disappointed in him. (When was this a concern, why should it even be one to begin with? This was not the progression he wanted.) But, he wants to keep that look on Connor's face, he wants to keep him happy. Maybe that's why he easily whispered, as if the promise was only between the both of them; "I promise."

 

When the wolf let go of his hand, Ravi had a sense of intense longing at the abrupt loss of heat. He wanted nothing more than to drag his fiance back into his arms and hold, feel that warmth and smell that scent that he memorized unwillingly (willingly, his subconscious felt the need to add). Though, with reluctance, Ravi allowed the space between them. That scent wafting away as well. The bittersweet smell of autumn moving away with a tease. He does not wish to go back to the manor. What if, the contentment between, disappears once more?

 

"I'm not quite ready to go back to the manor, love. Perhaps, we can take a walk in the gardens for a little while?" Ravi is sure that with how long it took for them to find each other, that they won't have any time to begin their dance lessons with Miss Mary. (There was also the issue of having to deal with Miss Mary after finding out whom she was wedded to. But, that is something that he will deal with at another time.)

[Joyabe]

Trying to wrap his head around the roller coaster that was his and his betrothed relationship was honestly making Connor a little dizzy. Granted, he was more or less the engine driving that emotional roller coaster, but still. Yet somehow, he still felt relieved in face of the once again light air between them. Was he being delusional? Were they destined to repeat the same pattern over and over again, never really moving forward?

 

No, no that couldn't be. Connor actually shook his head just a little at the thought, as if trying to chase it away. They were making progress. They had to be making progress, right? Surely that was better than that first night. They were talking... or at least trying to. So that was probably a sign of progress- even if a very minute one.

 

Ah, and speaking of that first night. "Sure," Connor smiled after a moment "a walk sounds nice". If he needed a sign for them moving forward he just got it- the last time he received such an offer from Ravi he ended saying something stupid and making the atmosphere all sour. Almost as if it was the most rational and natural thing to do, he proceeded to put his abused arm through Ravi's. Was this in order to allow him to lead the way? A way to make sure he wouldn't run away, even if he did promise? His selfish and very demanding desire to create some form of physical contact between the two of them? Who knew. He surely didn't- and he wasn't about to ask his subconscious. That guy was a serious ass.

 

The problem with trying to shut his brain off was the fact it also made it that much harder to think of conversation topics. And he wasn't sure they were at the stage of being able to be comfortably silent just yet. "Oh," he blurted out as his manner finally caught up to him, you know now that he wasn't busy with destroying the gardens. "Thanks... for the room. And... you know, talking". He was pretty sure he at least owed Ravi that- he was just as much to blame to everything that just happened... even though this was something he was not ready to admit to. "We should really focus our energy on other things. I have a feeling it's not going to get easier" he chuckled, although a little bleakly "at least not if councilman cupcake is anything to go by. Some guys from pack are probably going to be shitheads about it too" he added with a sigh.

 

With all that was going on between the two of them it was easy to lose sight of the bigger picture. Their marriage was anything but ordinary, and even despite the agreement between their parents, he had the feeling some people on both sides wouldn't take it very well. Especially when they'll put them in the same room for the ceremony. The thought actually caused a small knot to form in his stomach and Connor to unconsciously stick a little closer to Ravi. He was dreading this ceremony for quite a few reasons. On the one hand it was alarmingly close, but on the other he was dying for it to be over already. He didn't know what to expect after it, nor did he know the full reasoning behind this very odd yet surprisingly not unwelcomed pairing, but he had the feeling the wedding itself was going to be a seriously huge barrel of explosives just waiting for someone to light a match. And that before talking about the "regular" things that gave him anxiety about it- you know, like being put up for display. Or having to dance. Someone up there was surely trying to test him.