18+ Egoist

[Aoi]

I also like this story! I like both Thomas and Paul, I can't decide between them 2

 

PS: I have to admit I'm a fan now of Bridget's, Belita's, Brohne's and Yunake's story

[BRIDGET]

Bridget, I just looove this chapter! The way you described the mansion and of course, Patrick's feelings and emotions, and of course, I love all the characters! It seems that for us Thomas is already taking a lead over Paul, as Bela said, you just gotta love him

Can't wait for the next chapter!

 

He's adorable! But I love his mean side, hehehe

Thanks for reading it dear

Kisses and hugs

[BRIDGET]

I felt so bad for Thomas when he was crying with anger and after that, when I saw he even sent Patrick a Christmas present even though he was hurt..

I love your story Bridget!

 

Yeah, Matti dear, poor him. But love makes silly people.....

Thanks for your support cutie

Kisses

[Ginger]

I also like this story! I like both Thomas and Paul, I can't decide between them 2

 

PS: I have to admit I'm a fan now of Bridget's, Belita's, Brohne's and Yunake's story

 

I agree! So many wonderful writers here - we are so lucky!

[BRIDGET]

I also like this story! I like both Thomas and Paul, I can't decide between them 2

 

PS: I have to admit I'm a fan now of Bridget's, Belita's, Brohne's and Yunake's story

 

Thank you very much,I feel happy to know you like my story. I'm a great fan of Belita's and Brohne's. I haven's started with Yunake's bec I have exams. But I know I'l like it bec she's very talented

Hugs

[BRIDGET]

I agree! So many wonderful writers here - we are so lucky!

 

Thanks Ginger. I'll try hardest next time.

Hugs

[Aki]

Bridget... I can't wait for the next chapter! :hamtaro-005 (9):

[GPelka]

Honestly...

I like this story... Geat work !

I'll be waiting for the next chapter..

[BRIDGET]

Bridget... I can't wait for the next chapter! :hamtaro-005 (9):

 

Thank you,. I'm busy with exams ( tomorrow is the last one, fortunately) but I miss writing and YO

[BRIDGET]

Honestly...

I like this story... Geat work !

I'll be waiting for the next chapter..

 

I'm happy you liked it, next time tell me your fav part, hehe

[BRIDGET]

Well, here I am again. This is just an standby chap bec I need to think about Paul-Patrick relationship.

I hope you like it, as always critics are well received.

 

"

“Illusion is the first of all pleasures.”

Oscar Wilde

 

 

Phone ringing…..

 

- Peter speaking, who is it?

- Pete, it’s me

- Bro! I was just thinking of you. You can’t guess who came home!

- What’s with you? Who came?

- A friend of yours, he brought a present

- A friend, I don’t have any of them bringing me a present, who was?

- Oh yes you have. I good looking one…

- Pete, stop teasing me and tell me who the hell went home looking for me? I need to hang up, I’m meeting someone…

- Who? Tommy, who are you meeting?

- André…. Sorry Pete, I get to go

- Tommy, wait, don’t go, please, he’ll hurt you, Tom!

- Pete, I’m a grown up, so you don’t have to tell me who I have to meet or not, it’s just, well you know. I need to vent my anger out it's just sex. I know what to do. See you next week

- Tommy, Tommy! - feeling his brother was hanging up- It was him!

- Who Pete? For God’s sake! Let’s talk tomorrow, bye bro.

- It was Patrick! Patrick came looking for you and he brought a present for you!

- Are you kidding me? If you’re doing this to avoid me meeting André, it’s not fucking funny, Pete

- It’s not a joke. I was shocked when I saw him at the front door. He was kind of embarrassed; he has a kind of gloomy aura. It was so sad to see him.

- What? You talked to him? What did you tell him? Oh my God, Pete! What did you do?

- We talked about your relationship. He told me about getting used to Uni and town, he told me about the teachers. You know he’s uncle’s student? I asked him if he loved you and… ( interrupted by a scream)

- Pete! What the fuck? Are you a damn idiot? Did you scare him? What did he say?

- Easy, easy. He sounded sorry for something. He didn’t say anything at all, just that there was already someone. But, but he’s hiding something, you know, I’ve got a kind of a feeling. He brought you Art of Edo Japan. You’ve talked a lot about this book and he brought it to you. That means something, and there’s also a card.

 

Silence…..

 

- Tommy? Are you there?

- What did you say? He bought me Art of Edo Japan? What the hell? Pete, you know how expensive it is? What the card says?

- I didn’t open it, Tom, it’s yours.

- Open it !( anxious) open it now and read it!

Sounds of tearing paper and a deep sigh....

 

- Ok, here I go. “Dear Thomas, I went to the book shop, saw this and thought about you. I think I’m the worst person on earth. I am so deeply sorry for what I have done to you. It wasn’t fair. I never, ever, wanted to vent all my frustration on you. I hope you can forgive me. It won’t happen again. I think it’s the best for both of us. Hope you like the book. Be happy for me. Yours, Patrick “

- Is that all? Pete…

- Ummm, yeah

- Is that all? Pete, what are you not telling me? Is there written anything else?

- Well, you see. There are some stains on the card, like tears. I think he’s having a tough time, Tommy. Moreover he told me he was going home for Christmas to solve some things. What could it be?

- I don’t know. I’ll know when I see him back after holiday. It really confuses me. I don’t know what to think.

- I think you must be patient if you like him so much. I know you’re hurt but, if you want him, give him time.

- Pete? I think I screwed it up- I sent him also a Christmas present

- You did?

- Yeah, but a bad one. I bought some crappy souvenirs from Nimes and sent him and he has given me a so wonderful present. We talked about that book; I told him I’d like to have it. Do you think it means something?

- Don’t know Tommy. Maybe you should wait what‘s his attitude when he comes back.

- I cannot wait. Pete, I think I’m coming back home. I have to see him.

- Tommy, look, if you don’t want to spoil everything, you have to be the good guy.

- I know it’s just that I haven’t felt like this for a long time and I’m getting anxious. When I saw him that first day, I just wanted to play with him because he is so cute. But when I saw him sleeping and crying, I fell for him. And then when I heard him say his name, that bloody bastard. I understood he was really suffering and I don’t want to see him like that, but I don’t want to be away from him either.

- I know, Tommy, but if things don’t go well, he’ll need a friend, not a clingy guy.

- Maybe you’re right. Pete, I’m hanging up.

- Tommy, are you going to meet André anyway?

- No, I won’t, don’t worry. I’ll take Nana out for lunch. If he calls or goes back. Please call me right back.

- Don’t worry, I’ll do. By bro!

 

Phone hanging sound….

[GPelka]

Hope that Patrick will be make a GOOD choice..

I like Thomas....

Can't wait for the continuation...

[BRIDGET]

Hope that Patrick will be make a GOOD choice..

I like Thomas....

Can't wait for the continuation...

 

Thank you, let's see what happens.....

[Ginger]

Wonderful! I can't wait for the next installment

[BRIDGET]

Wonderful! I can't wait for the next installment

 

Thank you, your words encourage me. Thanks to all of you

[Rei]

Nice chapter... it took me some time to realize who was talking to whom at first, but then I got it It was nice to see things from Thomas's point of view!

Can't wait for the next one!

[BRIDGET]

Nice chapter... it took me some time to realize who was talking to whom at first, but then I got it It was nice to see things from Thomas's point of view!

Can't wait for the next one!

 

Sorry I didn't myself clear. I'll pay more attention next time. Glad you like it

[Rei]

No, the problem wasn't that you didn't express yourself well or clear enough, just my mind was in the gutter When I read for the second time everything was very clear

[BRIDGET]

No, the problem wasn't that you didn't express yourself well or clear enough, just my mind was in the gutter When I read for the second time everything was very clear

Thanks love

[Belita]

I'm still in love with Thomas...but that's not news

 

Keep it up, i loved it of course

[Matti_19]

I like it Bridget! Can't wait to see Patrick's reaction when he'll meet Thomas!

[BRIDGET]

I like it Bridget! Can't wait to see Patrick's reaction when he'll meet Thomas!

Thank you fiancé of mine, glad you liked it

[BRIDGET]

I've been trying to improve this as much as I could, but it seems I'm not in the mood. So all I got is these crappy episodes. Sorry, but If I spent another minute thinking on it, I'd erase everything. I apologize beforehand.Thank you for taking your time reading this.

 

 

X

 

Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow; don’t walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and be my friend.

 

Albert Camus

 

It was so comforting being at home. My mom was waiting for me, my sister was sleeping on the sofa, her long blond hair laying at one side, her pinky cheeks glowing in her bright red pajamas, holding the teddy bear I gave her last year. The Christmas tree, the Christmas cards hanging on the fireplace together with Beth’s stocking. It was great to be at home.

 

( In italics, Patrick's mother)

 

-Dear, welcome home. Did you have a safe trip? You look tired. Are those teachers asking to much?

I kissed her, caressed Beth’s face and sat next mom who was reading, as always, Ken Follet’s last work. I sighed.

-No ma, I’m fine, tired. I’ll save more money next time and I’ll come by train – If I hadn’t spent so much in Thomas’ present. No, Patrick, I thought, he deserved it.

-By the way, have you talk to Paul? He’s been calling the whole day.

- (sigh) Really? And what did he want? I’m going to see him on Boxing Day. The guys are running a party.

- Well, that’s good, it’s been months since you got all together, but Paul sounded bit anxious...They are not celebrating anything these days you know, so he wanted to have lunch with you tomorrow.

- I know mum, but I’m not feeling very well – How could I lie this way, in any other moment I‘d run his house the minute he had called.

- Anyway son, whatever is happening between you two, don’t let it spoil your friendship.

- Mom, don’t… You don’t know anything. Let’s leave it here. I’m really tired. I’m gonna take Beth to bed. I’ll deal with him tomorrow. Nite

-Nite, nite son.

 

I couldn’t sleep very well. My back hurt, my legs itched and my head ached. Paul and Thomas were going round in my head. I should have given him the book in person, I should have waited till he was back, I shouldn’t have bought anything. How would I face Paul? Was I going to spoil everything? Next morning I phoned him.

 

(The one in italics is Paul speaking)

 

-Hey Pat, how are you? Did you arrive late last night? I phoned you

-Yeah, sorry pal, I arrived very late. Listen Paul, I was calling you to tell you I can’t go, ma needs helps with Beth.

-Really? Mom is cooking donburineshi and ishikare-nabe

- It sounds yummy even if I don’t know how they taste, I smiled. But I can’t go, apologize to your mom, I’ll see you the day after tomorrow.

 

Silence…

 

-Ok bro, no problem. ‘ll tell mom to save some for you, bye!

-Paul, Paul!- Oh my God, why were things always so difficult with him?- Paul, don’t get mad, please!

-I’m hanging Pat, talk you later

 

That was all? He’s always so stubborn, he wasn’t arguing back? I knew I was going to have a tough time next time we met

 

Christmas day

 

Beth woke me up at six thirty in the morning. The wine I had drunk last night was beating my head. I felt sick, tired and frustrated. We went downstairs, just the two of us as we’ve been doing for the last six years. We opened our presents. She kissed me like a thousand times when she opened her new fuchsia pointé slippers. I got the regulars, books, socks, scarves…. After our little ritual, my parents got downstairs to open theirs.

 

- There’s one left – mom said - it’s yours- handing a small green package with a yellow ribbon - I thought we have given you all your presents…

- So.. whose is this? I said looking at her waiting for an answer.

- I don’t know son. It’s not ours, said mom asking dad.

- I know – said Beth giggling

- Beth, honey, who brought this present? I asked her anxiously

- Paul told me it was a secret, so I’m not telling you, said she laughing

 

When I heard his name, my heart ached, it was like a thousand wasp’s stings, as if it was going to suddenly stop.

 

-Beth, honey, did Paul bring this for me?

 

She nodded with the biggest smile on her pinky face, begging me not to tell him. I rushed into my room, my heart racing. It was the first present receiving from him and I wanted to open it alone. Why was he doing this out of the blue? With trembling hands I opened it. There was a small note.

 

“ Surprised? I bet you’re. I just wanted to do it. I hope you like it. Use them, invite anyone you like. “

 

Inside the small box there were 2 ticked for a musical. I couldn’t believe he had spent £60. I phoned him.

 

( the one italics is Paul speaking)

 

-Paul speaking. It’s 8.30 in the morning Pat. I know Beth is an early bird but …

-Thank you, Paul, thank you but…

-Merry Christmas Patrick, first of all. ( laughing) I knew I couldn’t trust her. Beth gave me away sooner than I thought. He said laughing like a kid.

-Paul, can you tell me the meaning of this?

-No meaning, bro, I had a part time job, got some money and I wanted to buy you something.

-Come on! I don’t buy it. You’re the stingiest person on earth. We’ve known each other for too long.

-I`m telling you, it’s nothing. I thought you deserved a present from me, that’s all.

-Are you dying? Moving? Running away? I shouldn’t have them. They are expensive, I think you should take your money back and buy something yourself.

-Here he comes, the humble Patrick. I’m not getting them back. No matter what you’re gonna take those two tickets and use them because if you don’t do it, I’m gonna kick that pretty stone-like butt of you till the end of the world, got it?

- Paul… Paul… ( bip, bip sound)

 

He had hanged the phone up without letting me reply. I knew he was very angry and that I’d pay for it.

[BRIDGET]

XI

 

“Love me; I'll be anybody you want me to be. Use me. Change me. Take me apart. Make me into anything, but just love me.”

Chuck Palahniuk (American journalist)

 

 

Boxing Day came. Paul arrived a little bit earlier to bring the dishes his mom has made and a hand painted flower pot for my mom. When I came downstairs, my breath was taken away at his sight. He was so handsome; he knew it and he had dressed himself for it. He was wearing a black tight polo neck sweater that defined his broad shoulders, his strong muscular arms. He also used his skinny black jeans. I could smell his new perfume. His eyes looked bluer.

 

I said hi and all I got back was a cold glare, followed by one of those killing smiles of him. He was mad, he was really mad and I’d regret it. We met the other guys, updated each other’s while dinning and ended up in a nightclub. Paul was weird, he had been avoiding me the whole night, staring me but every time I wanted to talk to him he went away. Girls were flitting round him like moths round a light; I got frustrated, I gave up.

 

I went to the toilets to clear my mind. I felt someone following me but I didn’t pay too much attention. I was going to go into one of the loos when I felt someone pushing me inside it.

 

(the one in Italics is Paul speaking)

 

-What the fuck!

- (Completely drunk) Shush, shut up, you slutty bastard. You’re gonna do what I tell you to do, so keep your voice down.

 

I was paralyzed. I couldn’t believe he was talking to me that way. I couldn’t see his face, he reeked of alcohol.

 

-Paul, what the fuck are you doing? You’re drunk; get the hell out of here. I’m serious

-I told you to shut the hell up! Keep your voice down or you’ll regret it

 

He took my hands and put them above my head pressing them against the wall, it hurt. I could feel his breath on my neck. I wanted to run but he was putting all his strength on me. He suddenly kissed my neck and started to lick my ear lobe. It startled me. I tried to get free of his hands.

 

-Paul… Paul, leave it. Paul, please, you’re drunk, Paul!

-You wanted this, didn’t you? You’ve been wanting me all these years. You thought that I was a dumbass? You believed I wouldn’t realize?

 

That freaked me out. Without releasing my hands he turned me to face him. I saw his face. It was anger what I saw in his eyes. He kept sucking my neck down to my collar bone. He bit me. I screamed hopping that he would stop but I got the opposite effect. He grinned and went for my mouth. I couldn’t believe he was kissing me, all his lust into those kisses. Those kisses I have always wanted, all the passion I have desired were in those kisses.

 

-(panting) Oh my God, Paul, please, stop it. You don’t know what you are doing. Please Paul, let me go, it hurts.

-(breathing excitedly) I don’t give a damn, Patrick, Didn’t he do the same to you? What’s the difference, he or me? ( hardly breathing) Was he more delicate with you?

But I’m the one you love, am I not?

-What? I…. I… I don’t understand. Please, Paul, let me go.

 

I couldn’t breathe, he was kissing me again and he was undoing my jeans, sliding his hand inside my briefs. My heart stopped. I tried to push him away; I didn’t want that, I didn’t.

 

-No, Paul, please, no, no, no... Please.

-That’s what you like, don’t you?

 

I felt tears running down my face. How could he be so cruel? He released my hands and without looking at me, without saying anything, he left me there. I felt like a dirty hustler, wandering what the hell I have done to make him act like that.

I was feeling so sick that I spent the whole day at home, playing with Becth, trying to forget what had happened last night and hiding my neck from my family’s gaze. Paul didn’t called, he didn’t texted me.

[BRIDGET]

XII

 

“I’ve learned that every day you should reach out and touch someone. People love a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.”

Maya Angelou (American Poet)

I went back to college. I had promised my mom to spend New Year with my cousins so I went back to my room, where I could heal my wounds in peace. I wanted to hide Paul’s bite, the hickeys on my neck and the bruises on my wrists. I just wanted to relax. I took a book from the library about hybrid cultures and went to my peaceful corner.

 

The sun was timidly warming the cold morning, some grey clouds were hiding it from time to time but it was nice to be outside. I took a hot coffee and left my bag in the library. But my dream of a quiet, peaceful morning vanished when I saw Thomas leaning against the tree, holding the book I have given him with a broad bright smile

(

The one in italics is Thomas speaking)

 

-Happy late Christmas, Patrick. He said in a high pitched tone. I sensed nervousness and excitement in his voice- I’ve been waiting for you.

-Merry Christmas to you too. Did you have fun in France?

-Yes, thank you very much. You met my brother Peter. I’m sorry; he’s such a brat, sticking his nose on everybody’s business…

-It’s alright, he was very nice to me and your house is awesome. By the way, thank you for the souvenirs.

-You’re welcome – he said seizing the book- You should have thrown them away, they were cheap goods. They cannot compete with my present. It made me very happy, but it’s very expensive, Patrick. The card was more than enough.

-The card was more than enough. He repeated.

-You deserved it, I behaved like a bastard and I didn’t know how to apologize. Even now, I think it’s not enough.

-(sighs) I’m also at fault, Patrick. I forced myself in some way, even knowing how you felt. But what I told you it’s true.

 

He came closer and I stepped back. If he got closer, he could see my hickeys and bruises. I have forgotten to cover them, in fact, I didn’t expect him. Instinctively, I wrapped my hand round my neck. He frowned, took my hand off, I tried to resist but it hurt.

 

-What happened to your neck?

-Nothing, nothing important

-Come on, Patrick, you’ve got hickeys everywhere!

 

I shoved his hand off but he took me by my wrist. I couldn’t fake the pain grin and he turned up my sleeve and saw my wrist.

 

-What the hell?! Patrick, did you have a fight?

 

He kept silent looking into my eyes waiting for an answer. I couldn’t look at him. I felt so embarrassed that I kept my head down.

 

-Oh my God! It was him! It was your friend, the one you love; did he do this to you?

-Not at all, what are you thinking? Don’t ask me please.

-Oh Patrick, I’m sorry. Are you hurt anywhere else?

-I said it’s nothing. He was drunk, he was angry with me, that’s all.

-That’s all?! Are you crazy?! That’s a poor excuse.

 

He hugged me. It was so comforting, so warm. It felt so good that I thought I could get used to it. I wondered why people felt in love with the wrong person. I stood wrapped in his arms, feeling safe, calm. Trying to stop my tears.