18+ Egoist

[Belita]

It's great Bridget...

 

So damn sexy...oh my

[BRIDGET]

It's great Bridget...

 

So damn sexy...oh my

 

 

You can't imagine how I felt writing it , let's see if you like also the next ones

By he way, who's the hot guy in your photo profile and what happened with the sexy Tsuruga- san??

[BRIDGET]

VI

It felt a bit weird to be back home. I was happy to see my family but a bit anxious to see Paul. I went to his house, he was at the backyard playing with his ball. It was the only thing I hated about him, his passion for football, I could remember every occasion he “dumped” me because of a football match he played or wanted to watch.

He left the ball at the very first sight of me, ran to me and embraced me.

- Patrick! Patrick thanks God you’re here! I needed you so much!

My heart jumped out o my chest. I’ve waited so long for this. I tried to keep my head cool, those words didn’t mean love and Thomas was stuck on my head, his scent still pervaded in me.

. I’m very sorry, Paul, very sorry for your grandpa. I know how much your mom and you loved him.

Paul’s dad died when Paul was five and his grandpa had always taken care of him. His mom was alone in England. She met Paul’s father in Okinawa where she taught Nanban-yaki technique to make ceramic pots. They fell in love and she left everything and came to live to England. Paul’s grandfather taught her English and she taught him ceramics. She was beloved by her father-in-law. Paul had few Japanese features. Although his hair was jet black and he had almond-shaped eyes, they were turquoise blue, which made him outstand from the rest of us and made me feel common. Our friends use to said that we were the ying–yang because he was dark haired with blue eyes and I was extremely blond with hazel eyes, because he was tempered and I was calm and also because I wanted to go to University and he wanted to be a sport trainer. I always thought that the fact that he was straight and I was gay made us both sides of a coin.

He always wanted to be a strong boy, he didn’t cry when his father died, he didn’t do it when he was bullied first year of high school, and this time too, I knew he wanted to cry, to give his sorrow a way but he didn’t do it if I was staring at him so he laid his head on my shoulder and started to sob.

What a nice feeling was this, be close enough to him to feel his warm breath on my neck, his hips next to my hips, his hand touching my leg. Without realizing, I felt aroused.

- What’s wrong Patrick? He asked me

- Nothing, I said, clearing my throat. I felt uncomfortable, because I had to repress my desire for him. I wanted to grab him, push him on the floor, kiss him and tell him that I always would love him not matter what.

- Don’t lie to me, I know something has happen to you, I can read it on your face, you’ve got dark circles on your eyes and you avoid my eyes. What’s wrong?

- Noothing, I repeated, I came here to comfort you, not the other way round. Besides, nothing important happened to me. I met someone I finally didn’t like.

- You finally met a hot chick, Pat? Who’s she? Is she hot? A brunette?

- No, it’s not a girl, it’s an upperclassman, his name is Thomas and he wants to be a History teacher.

- Just like you, Pat, and what happened?

- Nothing, I lied.

I tried to get some distance between Paul and me because I felt a little tremble just remembering the sex we had. I felt hot again and I wanted to leave before Paul realized it. But he had already noticed and grabbing my shoulder he asked me:

- Has something happened between you two? Has he hurt you? Is he bullying you?

- Umm, I can’t tell you Paul, it isn’t really important. It’s over and I came to know about you and your mom.

- Pat, he said with a soft voice I couldn’t resist, don’t lie to me, I know you, tell me what happened or I’ll break your arm.

He called me Pat when he wanted something for me, when we had serious conversations. He grabbed my arm and turned to my back, I screamed a bit in pain, he was so close I could hear his heart beat, his pulse. I felt my heart jumping o n my chest. I knew that If I didn’t do anything I’ll tell him and I didn’t want him to know I was gay or that I had sex with a man for the first time. I didn’t want to tell him that I had felt the maximum pleasure with a man who wasn’t him even though I always knew that Paul would never had those kinds of feelings for me.

- It’s really nothing Paulie, let me be, you’re hurting me and I don’t want to fight. Just release my arm.

- Did that man touch you??

- What??? What are you talking about? A man? I was panicking; I had to get out there at that very moment.

- You thought that I was stupid. You think that after so many years of friendship I wouldn’t know you don’t like girls.

I didn’t know what to do, he knew! What would happen if he also knew that I loved him? Would he stop being my friend? Would he feel disgusted?

- So? What is it you want to know, Paul? If I’m gay (my knees were going to melt , my arms were shaking and my voice trembled)

- Are you? Have you been lying to me all this time?

- What? I didn’t have to tell you, that’s way too personal and is not as if you asked and I lied. Besides is none of your business

- So, you are gay! he was like crazy, you had sex with that man??? Did you enjoy it, bastard?

- So what??!!! I cried, what If I did it, what If I’m gay!! It’s none of your business, Paul. I never said a word about all the girls you hooked with, I never got upset because you were changing girlfriend or just had sex with someone you just knew. I never, never….

- Never what Pat??? Never complained about my sex life? So what? You didn’t care, but I do, did YOU or didn’t YOU have sex with that man???!! I’m not asking you again, Pat, tell me the truth right now!!!

- YES, YES!!! I did and it was my first time and he gave me pleasure, and I liked it but I regretted it because it wasn’t y….

I stopped talking when I saw Paul’s face and the painful look in his eyes, some tears started to fall down, I couldn’t stand his sad face so I ran away. I kept myself at home the following day telling my mom I felt sick. I knew I was a coward but I couldn’t face Paul now he knew everything. Next day, I went back to college without saying him goodbye.

[Rei]

Bridget, the story is getting better and better! I just love it! Now I'm really confused, I don't know if Thomas or Paul would be better for Pat, while in the beginning I absolutely hated Paul

Keep it up! Looking forward to the next chapter!

[Matti_19]

I absolutely enjoy it! Now, after Hana (from Belita's fanfic) Patrick is my new crush

I can't wait for the next chapter!

[BRIDGET]

Oh dear! Thanks a lot, REI! It means a lot to me that you all like my story. I don't know either if Thomas would be better for Patrick, I feel sorry for Paul. Let's see what happens

[BRIDGET]

I absolutely enjoy it! Now, after Hana (from Belita's fanfic) Patrick is my new crush

I can't wait for the next chapter!

 

hehehe, thanks Matti, i'm glad you liked this chapter too, i'll do my best!

oh yes, i love Hana's changes in Belita's story but to tell you the truth, i fell in love with Brohne's Kenta

[Leslie_LC]

I love your story a lot! You have very good writing skills! Keep it up! :hamtaro-005 (12):

[BRIDGET]

I love your story a lot! You have very good writing skills! Keep it up! :hamtaro-005 (12):

All of you do me great honor.I'll try to do my best!

Thanks a lot

[Justme]

Great story! Thanks Bridget! :leaf3: I like Patrick so much! And the problem is I like Thomas and Paul equally, I feel both happy and said when Patrick is with one of them. I'm always happy for the one he is with and sad for the other one :leaf9:

[BRIDGET]

Great story! Thanks Bridget! :leaf3: I like Patrick so much! And the problem is I like Thomas and Paul equally, I feel both happy and said when Patrick is with one of them. I'm always happy for the one he is with and sad for the other one :leaf9:

Thanks a lot. It's quite difficult to decide which one is the more suitable for Patrick, I think they've quite different personalities. But let's see what happens...

I hope you keep reading & you like it

[BRIDGET]

VII

 

 

Back to college I tried to get back to normal. I put Paul’s existence at the back of my mind and tried to act as if nothing had happened. Back to classes I faced my other problem, Thomas. He was waiting for me at the door of my class. I felt how my body got tense, a light sweat drop fell down my spine, I wasn’t prepared yet, but I was determined to change my life, the way I was, l wanted to leave worries behind and enjoy my school life . I took a deep breath and went to him.

- Hi, cutie, where have you been? He said

- At home, something came up and I had to go. What do you want?

- I missed you; he was whispering at my ear, I can’t wait to meet you at your lovely, secret corner.

I couldn’t explain what I felt, I wasn’t scared, I was angry, I was desperate to get rid of my feelings for Paul, I thought that maybe he would erase the frustration I was feeling since I met him at home. I was so angry with him. Who was he to yell at me like that? What made him think he had the right to reproach me what I did or not? Why the hell did I told him about Thomas? I was stupid, stupid, stupid of me! I’ve lost him forever.

- Patrick?? Patrick?

- What? I’ll see you after lunch. I left him standing there, speechless, eyes wide open.

I couldn’t concentrate, I couldn’t eat, I was thinking only in what was going to happen later. I started to convince myself that Thomas would make me feel better, so I prepared myself for him.

- You’re already here! Good boy! Where you that anxious to meet me? Where your body expecting my touch?

- I don’t need to talk, I told him, getting closer to him, touching his hair without looking in his eyes. I just need you to hold me, to make me forget.

- Forget him? I can do that and even more. I can make you depend on me, only want me, only think on me. Is that what you want?

- No, I just want you to hold me every time I ask you and nothing else.

I couldn’t believe what I was saying, what was happening to me? When did become this type of person? My heart ached so much, I felt it empty, my body numb, my hands cold.

- That’s ok with me, but in exchange, you’ll have sex only with me, you have to forget him and…

- Don’t talk anymore; I said putting one of my fingers in his lips, I could feel his warm breath interrupted by the tip of his tongue licking my second phalanx; I already prepared myself for it. I want to forget him; I want to forget his face. I said trying not to cry.

He started to caress my hair, went down to my face, he got even closer, I could feel his breath warming me up. His fingers running up and down my neck and left shoulder. I shivered. He suddenly took my hand and softly said to me:

- You know that one of the most sensitive and erotic places in our body are the finger tips?

He took my fingers and one by one started to lick them slowly, staring at me with a half, mischievous smile. I started to feel a fire on my body. I felt his tongue going round the tip of my forefinger. Suddenly he started to thrust my finger into his mouth. I trembled at the sensation of my wet finger into his mouth.

- Can you feel it, Patrick? Does it feel good? It’s a new sensation.

I couldn’t answer, just nodded. I just let him made me what he wanted. I started to feel turned on when he put his other hand in my lower part and stated caressing it. I did the same. He jolted in surprise, giggled and told me to lie down. I lay down`, breathing hardly in anticipation, without opposing him, just with the flow. He started to unbutton my shirt, , kissed my collar bone, then licking the line of it with the tip of his tongue, went down leaving a track from my neck to my chest, licked my left nipple taking his time, making sure that I was enjoying it while pinching the right one. I grasped the grass round me. It felt so damn good. He went down running his tongue through my stomach, following the lines of my abs.

- You’re a hottie, ummm, you have a very nice body, cutie, very nice.

I grabbed his hair, looked at him and directed him to my lower part. I just didn’t want to lose my time with his flatteries. I was so turned on, I felt the urge to do it.”Just shut up and do what you have to do” I thought. I closed my eyes, chocked back my tears and said:

- Just enter me, I said, hardly breathing, just hurry up, please.

- No, I’ll hurt you, you need to be prepared

- Just do it, I don’t mind you hurting me, I just want to feel it. I don’t want to feel this shit inside my head. Please, make me forget

So he did. He entered me. It was very painful but I I wanted to feel that pain. Gradually he started to move slowly while kissing me. I put my arms round his back raising my back. I felt him deeper inside me, he also was breathing with difficulty, but we were both in ecstasy, my nails in his back.

- Patrick, I can’t refrain myself, I’m going to start to move more quickly. You’ve to tell me if it hurts, but if you do what I say, you’ll have the greatest time, I hold myself tighter to his neck, I’d follow all his instructions, the only thing I wished was to get rid of my thoughts.

- OK, I said panting, do it (pant, pant) do it now!

- What is it, Patrick? Have you been wanting me this much? He laugh

- In your dr… (I felt a strong thrust) dreams. I couldn’t believe I became such a cold person; anger and pain were making me be someone else.

He suddenly raised one of my legs up to his shoulder and the other round his waist. Oh my goodness! How was so much pleasure possible? He increased the rhythm, making sure to follow the rhythm of my breath. I was hardly breathing, turned my face to avoid his eyes staring me. He grabbed my face and said:

- Look at me, cutie, I want to see your face, look at me, don’t think in anything or anyone. Just look at me.

I looked at him, those intense green eyes looking at me full of desire. They were so captivating that I felt trapped in them. The pleasure increased as he put my two legs round his waist and started to slowly stroke my cock. I was ready to cum...

- Not yet, dear, he whispered to me, I want to cum with you and I’m not ready yet.

So he kept thrusting, I was going insane, I was losing the sense of reality, I was like in heaven and left my mind run free, I felt Paul’s hands caressing me, I felt Paul’s voice calling my name, I felt Paul’s warmth in my mouth while kissing me. His soft tanned skin, his strong arms round my waist, his tongue searching my tongue…

- Paul, I whispered

I suddenly felt a strong thrust which provoked a lot of pain

- Damn bastard! Were you thinking on him while fucking with me??!!!!

[animegirl]

WOW! The hottest chapter so far! :7yoyo10: *nosebleed* Keep it up Bridget! Awesome story! :5yoyo34:

[Belita]

Holy shit.... O_O

 

The finger thingy it's stuck on my mind

 

So good Bridge... congrats it's awsome

Big kiss f'o y'a

[Rei]

Oh Bridget... very good chapter! Congrats! Keep it up!

[BRIDGET]

WOW! The hottest chapter so far! :7yoyo10: *nosebleed* Keep it up Bridget! Awesome story! :5yoyo34:

 

Thanks there, hope your nose is beter , hehe. Thanks for reading it...

Big hug

[BRIDGET]

Holy shit.... O_O

 

The finger thingy it's stuck on my mind

 

So good Bridge... congrats it's awsome

Big kiss f'o y'a

 

Thanks Bel, dear, the finger thing... you should try it, hehehe

A big kiss to you for always being so kind

[BRIDGET]

Oh Bridget... very good chapter! Congrats! Keep it up!

My dear Rei, you always so kind. I'll do my best

A big kiss, handsome

[BRIDGET]

Sorry, I think the chapter became very long and very bad. It was a bit hard bec some personal memories are mixed. Anyway, you’ll see that there are some links to youtube vids, they are the songs I’ve been listening to while trying to write this. As always, critics are well received. By the way, I’ll be out for a couple of weeks, I’ll be working, working, working & studying, studying, studying, leaf4

I’m gonna miss you all. See you back on sept the 9th.

Kisses and hugs for all of you.

:banhbao43:

 

"I was only able to cry. I cried for being so selfish, egoist; I was having sex with a handsome man, clever, who liked me and thinking and desiring another man who may despise me for being so despicable. I could have found a little happiness with him, I should have tried harder, forgetting Paul and keeping on living without him. I was a stupid brat who didn’t know anything, a stubborn idiot in love with a man who would never love me.

 

Thomas had left a while ago and I was still lying there, buried in tears and shame. I wasn’t able to move. I couldn’t forget Thomas’ face, tears of anger running down, holding the hand he slapped me with, all his hair messed. His hair has grown longer since I met him and shinny blond streaks have appeared during this time , making him even more handsome. Put ting his tight jeans on while staring at me, his eyes blood shot of anger, hate. I’ve damaged his pride as a man and as a lover.

 

- You can’t be like this, Patrick, those one-sided feelings will kill you. You’ll start to fell sadder gradually, you’ll leave all the people who likes you behind and will become a loner. He won’t love you, he won’t see you as a lover, as a companion. But I…. ( he hesitated and kept silent for a moment) I can.

 

He patted my sticky hair wet from sweating, trying to wipe my tears, his breath had reached a normal rhythm, as he had calmed himself and I started crying and babblering:

 

- I know, I know but I can’t, I can’t, I can’t. I’ve tried ! I can’t stop loving him. I’ve loved him for five years. He has been the only thing in my life that I’ve treasured enough to sacrifice other important things.

 

- Don’t do this to you, Patrick. Give yourself a chance and when you change your mind look for me.

(

)

 

He kissed me on the cheek and left me there, half naked, alone, feeling miserable. I waited till down to come back to my room.

 

During the following weeks, I didn’t see Thomas at University. I went to his classroom but his friends didn’t know anything about him. I asked also his teachers and they told me he had asked for several days off to work on a research. I understood he didn’t want to heard anything about me. I had to apologize, I knew that but I was afraid of facing him. How would he react? How would he feel? How would I feel? I had to do it before Christmas break.

Paul’s birthday came and I text him wishing him a happy day. He texted me back

 

“ That’s all? No phone call, no chatting, what’s with you?”

“Nothing, busy”

“Not coming home? Let’s party”

“No, busy”

“C’mon, I miss you”

“No, don’t be cruel!”

“What?”

“What?” He texted again but I didn’t answer, instead I turned off my phone and went to bed.

(

)

 

Next day I had 13 missing calls from Paul, but I ignored them. I’ll face him when I were at home. My head was full of Thomas right now. I was leaving in two days . I went to the admission office and asked for his address. I had written him a Christmas card and bought him Christine Guth’s Art of Edo Japan, we’ve seen in a bookshop. When I arrived to the address I had been given, I hesitated. It was a big house, a mansion to me.

 

The front yard was full of trees and bushes decorated with tiny white lights and a big garland wishing everybody a Happy Christmas. I knocked the door, it seemed as if anyone was at home. Suddenly a handsome young boy opened the door.

 

- Hello? He said with big open eyes

- Ummm. Hi, I’m looking for Thomas Cowan- Stuart

- My bro? He’s not at home. He went to France to visit granny for Christmas. He’s coming next week.

- Well, could you give him this for me, please? I’m Patrick ( blushing)

- What? Are you Patrick? My bro talked about you a lot. Come in and have a tea with me. Doris made brownies…

- Umm, I don’t know, I think it’s not right. Your brother and I aren’t in good terms, right now.

- Oh, don’t worry, I know that’s why I’m inviting you. I’m Peter, he said with a big dazzling smile, as dazzling as Thomas'

 

I felt curious, I wanted to know what Thomas had been telling to his brother. We had a nice chat. He was very kind and polite. He told me that Thomas didn’t speak too much about his friends at University but that I was well-known at home. His parent were wishing to know me. I couldn’t avoid blushing

 

- Don’t worry, we know Thomas like guys. He’s a very sensible and hard- worker man. My parents understand his likings and feelings. Do you love my bro?

- My parents understand his likings and feelings. Do you love my bro?

- You’re a bit straight-forward for me, I said, the blood on my face boiling. I wish I could say yes, but I already have someone I love and your brother doesn’t love me.

- Are you sure?

 

I shivered. What was he talking about. We only had sex, no feelings related. He knew my feelings for Paul. It was just sex, just sext. I started to repeat it to myself. I was feeling unconfortable and wanted to go.

 

- It’s getting late and I’m going home tomorrow. It has been very nice to meet you. Please, be sure to give Thomas my present.

- Ok. I’ll tell him. Merry Christmas

- Merry Christmas

 

I left his home, feeling oddly happy . I arrived at my room and found a letter and a parcel. The letter was from Paul and the package from Thomas. Thomas’ package were some souvenirs from Nimes where his grandma lived: a small scale building called La Maison Carrée, a photo book with landscapes and touristic sites and a postcard saying:

 

“ Happy Christmas, dear Patrick. I hope all your wishes come true. I bought all this rubbish thinking that you’d like it. Just throw them away! Be happy.

Tom”

 

I couldn’t avoid smiling and feeling happy because he had sent me a Christmas present. I put it aside and faced Paul’s letter. It was weird because he never wrote a letter to anyone. I wrote them to his girlfriends for him.

 

“ Hey idiot! How are you doing? It’s not this a bit of a nice starting? I’m so mad with you! What’s with you? You miss my birthday, don’t call me back. Are you enjoying that much with that sissy? Ok, Ok, sorry. I miss my friend, I miss you Pat. Come back home soon. Let’s go drinking and talk about us. We need to talk. Call me when you’re at home. Yours….

Paul”

 

I smiled bitterly. His letter was killing me. What was the meaning of his words? I was so afraid to face him… "

[Belita]

Oh man Bridge...

I gotta love Thomas...

I don't know what future you'll give the story but i just love him...

I loved the chap, once again, i don't know what are you afraid of...it's very good

I'm gonna miss ya even though i haven't benn around much either

 

A big kiss f'o y'a :*

[yunake]

*squeal* briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-chan!!! I wuv your story!!! *.* more more!!!! it's so hawt and soooooo nice! you do have a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing that steals the awesomness of your story! Me wants more!!! :3 it´s amazing brii-chan *hugs*

[BRIDGET]

Oh man Bridge...

I gotta love Thomas...

I don't know what future you'll give the story but i just love him...

I loved the chap, once again, i don't know what are you afraid of...it's very good

I'm gonna miss ya even though i haven't benn around much either

 

A big kiss f'o y'a :*

It seems that my thanks were lost with the change of server, so i'll say it again....

 

Dear Bel, thanks a million once more for being so kind to me always. Your opinion is always well appreciated. I wish us to live near and give you a big hug for always lending me your ear.

Thank you very much, dear

By the way, I saw your pic. You're very pretty, like your glasses, hehehe

[BRIDGET]

*squeal* briiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-chan!!! I wuv your story!!! *.* more more!!!! it's so hawt and soooooo nice! you do have a few grammar and spelling mistakes, but nothing that steals the awesomness of your story! Me wants more!!! :3 it´s amazing brii-chan *hugs*

 

 

Oh my Yun, I'm so embarrased! I seriously apologize for my mistakes. I suppose that the combination of lack of sleep, three languages on my head and typing fast is not a good one for my writing.

Anyway, I'm more than glad you liked my little story. It's not a big thing but, it's mine, hehhe. Thank you very much for taking your time reading it.

Kisses to you

[Rei]

Bridget, I just looove this chapter! The way you described the mansion and of course, Patrick's feelings and emotions, and of course, I love all the characters! It seems that for us Thomas is already taking a lead over Paul, as Bela said, you just gotta love him

Can't wait for the next chapter!

[Matti_19]

I felt so bad for Thomas when he was crying with anger and after that, when I saw he even sent Patrick a Christmas present even though he was hurt..

I love your story Bridget!