18+ Final Fantasy 7: The Reality of Despair (Vincent x Tseng)

[Madisuzy]

Summary:

Tseng gives up hoping the feelings between he and Vincent would grow and they would have a love-filled relationship, not just a physical one. He realizes he is just a tool, being used and put aside until it is time to use it again. Will this change or will he be ok with it?

Status: Complete

Warnings: Angst, swearing, violence, suicidal thoughts, physical abuse, yaoi,

 

Title – The Reality of Despair

 

Author - Madisuzy

 

Fandom – FFVII

 

Characters – Tseng, Vincent Valentine

 

Note – Takes place after Advent Children Complete

 

Rating - M

 

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Again he found himself here. Naked, sitting on his knees on the floor, waiting for his dose… his taste of what he could never really own. It was a form of torture to do this to himself, week after week. Not as direct as Reno's cigarettes or Rude's alcohol, but just as damaging. His psychology had changed to handle it, numbing the worst of the pain until he didn't really feel anything anymore. That was a double edged sword in itself, as it just took away one more reason to stop.

 

Tseng heard him open the door, not bothering to turn around. There was no point in doing so, the other man never bothering to even mutter a greeting anymore. They were beyond such shallow pretenses of decency now, both understanding what this had become, irrelevant of how it had begun.

 

When the slap hit his cheek, he didn't even flinch. It was a predictable move, a way the other tried to get his attention but it always failed. Tseng still didn't look up, eyes focused on the cracked wall beyond the black leather clad legs in front of him.

 

In the beginning it had been different, a certain softness and affection making it almost real. Tseng had grasped onto a measure of hope then, thinking that with time the feelings would grow and they both would come together, their rendezvous turning into a joining of love and not just sex.

 

He had long ago discarded such melancholy thoughts, understanding how useless they were. A tool is just a tool, to be used and put aside until it is time to use it again. The other had watched him, knew that he did whatever Rufus asked of him, no matter the cost to the planet and its inhabitants. Somewhere along the way, the softness and affection had disappeared, replaced with hardness and anger. The sex now was harsh, rough and punishing, as if the other was trying to make him pay for his sins, one fuck at a time.

 

The punch was unexpected, throwing him onto his back and making his head hit the floor with a burst of stars. The break from the usual routine almost made him smile.

 

Maybe Tseng was over stating his importance…

 

Maybe this was just the other man's way of tainting and breaking something that was important to Shinra, the revenge for the tainting and breaking of his own lover. Tseng wasn't breaking though, he was becoming stone, just like she had become. The irony was not lost on him as he lay on the floor, chuckling like a madman. The other man growled, a black leather glove gripping his hair harshly and pulling him to his feet to come face to face with burning, red eyes.

 

"I should kill you… put you out of your misery," the deep voice murmured. Tseng's chuckling ceased at the sudden appearance of words.

 

This was unusual…

 

"Do it," Tseng replied, daring the other to end his pain. There was no fear in his eyes, only a longing to be released from this existence he despised. He watched, his heart beating faster in excitement as the golden claw came into view, one pointed digit lightly slicing down his cheek, the sting making the Turk gasp.

 

"You need help. The sickness of your soul is…," the other began, the golden hand moving away.

 

"I'm no sicker than the one who fucks me," Tseng retorted, interrupting the hint of compassion in those words. "I don't need your pity, or your understanding. Fuck me or leave." There was a time when he would have begged for compassion from Vincent but it was too little, too late now.

 

Compassion was for people with hope and Tseng had none left. He could pretend to have compassion, had even managed to convince Reeve that Shinra wanted to help fix the planet as they assisted the WRO. Foolish Reeve with his dreams of making the world a better place. His trust in Tseng would be the cause of all their downfalls and, in the end, that knowledge would destroy the engineer. It was just a matter of time.

 

Tseng should care but he didn't. Rufus would have his kingdom back and do whatever he wished with it. Tseng had a feeling that once the blonde reached full power, people would look back on his father's reign with the sad realization that it really hadn't been that bad before.

 

"I'm not her. I don't want to be saved. Then again, she didn't want to be saved by you either, did she? How did it feel for the one you love to prefer Hojo over you?" he drawled, waiting for the reaction his words would invoke.

 

Vincent slammed him backwards into the wall, the pain bringing a smile to Tseng's face. Yes, this is what he wanted. Maybe if he could anger the gunman enough, he would get his wish of eternal slumber. "You're like a c-cat with a ball of w-wool," he stuttered, vision blurring from another hit to his skull. "Stop playing and just kill me."

 

"I'm not playing, damn you!" Vincent hissed, pressed up against him, pinning him in place. "Why do you do this? Why do you…" Tseng stopped his questions with his tongue, wrapping his arms around the others shoulder's as he kissed him hard. Valentine started to push him away but his movements were half hearted, it only taking a few moments before he returned the kiss, just as hard and fevered as Tseng. Vincent tried to be human, but inside of him the monsters pushed for more, the taste of blood too much for him to resist. Tseng knew this weakness well and always used it to his advantage. If the gunman wouldn't give him eternal rest, there was only one other thing he wanted from him.

 

Afterwards, there was no conversation. Tseng could see the shame on the other man's face, regret at losing his control and letting the beasts inside have what they wanted. He would have laughed at the sight if he wasn't in so much pain. The feel of a cure spell washing over him felt like the ultimate insult, the gunman taking away all evidence of the act of violence with a simple spell, before leaving silently.

 

Tseng didn't want the pain to go away. It was the only thing Vincent had ever gifted him with and he wanted to cling to it.

 

~The End~