18+ Lynch: All This I'll Give You (Hazuki x Yusuke)

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

ALL THIS I'LL GIVE YOU

a lynch. fanfiction

 

Summary:

Yusuke has had the biggest crush on Hazuki ever since he joined the band. But the gorgeous vocalist is straight... Or so thought the guitarist, before alcohol put a whole new twist to the story. (First person, Yusuke's POV) (situated around 2008)

Status: Complete

 

Hazuki (vocals) ----- Yusuke (guitars)

Reo (guitars) ----- Asanao (drums)

 

Theme song

 

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I’m sorry I could never see

Someday you’ll die like every living thing

You can’t stay forever

If only I had realized that you could fade away

I would give you my everything

Just so I could see you smile more

 

Always unconditional

you never say a word but have my back

You always thinking of me first

I took for granted everything

but now it’s time for me to change

As long as you are still alive

I’ll do this all for you

 

Are you a star that’s born and dies in the darkness?

Like a flame that flickers with violent passion

 

Ah, no, my rationality is distorting

 

Swallowed by a wave, will time merely snatch away

this love that feels like drowning?

Sustaining the blame that won’t stop ringing

 

Are you a star that’s born and dies in the darkness?

Like a flame that flickers with violent passion

 

Ah, no, it’s distorting

 

Are you just a memory that glows hazily

even though I love you this much?

The sky cruelly bombards with rain always

On nights when sorrow descends upon you

I’ll send a calming song

 

Everlasting and beautiful

 

+ 18 for sex

 

One Shot

 

Teaser

“I need a shower.” he went on.

 

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’ll be out in a minute.” I answered but regretted having even talked as soon as the words slipped from my mouth: my voice sounded so weak! It almost trembled! I silently cursed myself for this, and Hazuki also. I mean, what was he thinking, barging in a used bathroom like that, and refusing to leave?

 

I almost heard him smirk.

 

“But I need a shower now.”

 

 

~Writer's notes~

Hi there everyone! First time posting a fanfic here so I'll say a few things first~

 

- First of all, this is pretty much my first real, finished piece in English. I write a whole lot, both fanfics and original stories, but I always wrote in French so far since it's my first language, it's way easier for me and all XD So this took me forever to write because I wanted it to sound as natural as possible. I do apologize if you find some mistakes here and there x.x I reviewed it a thousand times though so it should be somehow fine XD

 

- This is a fanfic about the nagoya kei band Lynch., so to all of you Lynch. fans, please read along *.* AND to those who don't know Lynch. or aren't into visual kei at all, it really doesn't matter! I explained pretty much all the details needed, you don't need knowledge of the band to read and enjoy at all. So please don't be turned off by that XD

 

- I tried to make this fanfic as close to reality and believable as possible in regards to the characters and their personalities. So, aside from all the sexy yaoi action which obviously isn't true XD the rest is based on interviews and on various video footage of the band.

 

- And last note but certainly not the least, this fic goes out particularly to two amazing members of this forum, Matti_19 and Asta, who both pushed me to write in English seriously for the first time~ So thank you both *big hugs~~~* Asta-san, I guess this could count as something noteworthy from me XD And Matti, I promise I'll think of that original story afterwards XD

 

- Oh wait, that's the real last note: feel free to comment, review, critic, or say anything you want to say about the piece. Comments are what kept me going in the French writing scene all these years, so it'll work here too XD I might very well write stuff in English again if you guys like this one. *shy*

 

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This night was like every other night since we started our tour. We’d do a live, stay around the venue for a while afterwards to meet the fans and maybe even sign some posters and CDs, and then we’d all head back to the hotel where we’d need to sleep before moving to another city the next morning. I liked this routine: predictable, soothing, and always interesting due to the shows Lynch would do. That was the life I envisioned when I said yes to Hazuki after he asked me to join his new band in 2006. I was right where I belonged now. And it seemed the rest of the band was content with the success we gained and the life we felt in.

 

Everyone except Hazuki, perhaps. He always added something to our usual routine: after every live was drinking time. Well, not that that was surprising: our vocalist always said that his number one habit in life was alcohol and his favorite places were wherever he could drink. That, we knew. Some of us followed. I rarely did. I wasn’t this much of a drinker, really, mainly because I can’t hold my liquor well. I’m not even ashamed to admit it. If a drink or two’s always fine, going past that usually means getting drunk and dealing with the nausea and the headaches it causes afterwards. Not anything enjoyable. Especially when your band is on tour and it’s necessary to give it all you’ve got on stage every night. I don’t understand how it’d be possible to pull off my usual solos with a raging migraine.

 

That was one of the many things that fascinated me about Hazuki: he was the type to need a lot, and I mean that, of alcohol before turning into a mess. Through our times of shared work, I don’t think I ever saw him intoxicated. Drunk, yes, several times a week, but never truly disconnected from reality. Maybe that’s why I never worried about his habit… His eyes always kept their vivid, sharp gleam. I liked catching a glimpse of these when they sparkled from the euphoria alcohol brought him. And his voice never suffered from it either: he jumped on stage while being drunk a few times before and it never showed, well not enough for fans to notice at least, I’m sure. His voice always rang over my guitar like crystal, perfectly hitting the right notes, the ones that punched you through the chest with all the emotions in the world. Really, this man could express anything he wanted with this voice of his.

 

Well, as usual, I parted from Hazuki as soon as we reached the entrance of our hotel.

“Going for a drink.” he informed us, though we didn’t need that to know where he’d be heading next. “We rolled past a bar I’d like to try on the bus this afternoon. Anyone coming along?”

“I’m in.” Reo said with a corky smile, stepping towards our vocalist. “It’s been a while since we hit bars together, ne, Hazuki?”

His question earned him a satisfied smirk. They must have lots of bars stories to share, I thought to myself. It really wasn’t hard to imagine those two having way too much fun, after one too many glass, sharing lame jokes and stories in loud voices. One day, I might tag along, just to see this, and maybe film part of their fun for an eventual bonus DVD the band could release. We’d see.

“I’m too tired for that.” claimed Asanao while swiftly rolling his eyes and rubbing his left shoulder. “That third encore killed my arm and I need it fine by tomorrow’s live.”

“Ok, sure.” Hazuki agreed, before turning his shining black eyes towards me. I had a hard time swallowing. “What about you, Yu?”

I felt helpless as a soft smile sprang on my lips. Him calling me by my nickname always made me happy, for a strange reason. “I’ll pass, as always.” I tried to apologize with my eyes, but I had no ways of knowing if the message got across or not.

“All right. Sorry if I wake you again when I’ll come back.” For a second there, he looked really concerned about me getting all of my sleep hours.

“It’s fine. I’m not angry anymore you know.” I couldn’t help but laugh softly as I remembered about what happened two days ago: as usual, we could afford only two hotel rooms during the tour, so I and Hazuki shared one, as Reo and Asanao asked to be paired. Right in the middle of the night, the singer came back to the room, obviously drunk, and, well... You can’t ask a man in such a state to be all delicate and discreet, right? He tore me away from my sleep when he barged in the room, pushing the door right into the wall, only to trip on the doorstep afterwards, fall flat on his face on the floor, and stay stuck there because of an uncontrollable laughing fit. Of course I never managed to find the calm required for me to fall asleep again. And if, at first, I couldn’t think of anything else to do than drown my roommate in insults, once calmed, I just couldn’t stay angry at him.

 

“See ya.” chanted Reo while waving towards me and Asanao, before turning his back to the hotel’s entrance and walking away with Hazuki. I exchanged looks with our drummer once they were gone out of our sight. I’m sure he could tell right away that I was worried about him.

“Are you going to be fine? ...Your arm I mean.”

“Ah, yeah. It just needs some rest – and ice. That’d be good to.”

“Do you need any help?”

Asano’s lips curved slightly and he darted his tongue playfully at me. “Come on mom, stop worrying so much. I’ll be fine.”

He raised a hand and tried to ruffle my hair but I’d seen it coming and I evaded him.

“ I could use you for something though.”

I quirked an eyebrow, silently asking him to carry on.

“I’m hungry as hell and eating alone is boring.”

Not only boring, I thought, risky as well. Fans had a tendency to jump on stars when they wandered off on their own, and once a single fan gets the courage to ask for a picture or an autograph, then all the others around think they’re allowed to do so as well. Before you know it, you’re surrounded, and good luck getting out of a fangirl’s circle...

“Right. Want to try out the hotel’s restaurant? I heard it’s pretty good.”

“Whatever, as long as there’s food.”

I chuckled; well, that was a simple enough wish to fulfill. I stepped in the hotel’s hall, Asanao only a step behind me.

 

 

***

 

 

I had to admit, this hotel was pretty high class when it came to food. The meal had been very enjoyable, and, it seemed, the discussion me and Asanao got also was, since we spent hours in the dining room. The night was already advanced when we finally paid and leaved for our respective rooms. Being alone was quite relaxing, after such a day. The live we did in the evening was for sure one of the best of this entire tour. I couldn’t help but think that is was too bad it hadn’t been filmed. We agreed that we wouldn’t turn this tour into a DVD before starting it, since it was too short, but now, it occurred to me that is was kind of a shame. A three–encore show indeed would make kick-ass live footage.

 

Strangely, I didn’t feel tired at all, even though it was getting especially late. I tried to pick on my guitar for a bit, but that made me think about Lynch’s future lives, which wasn’t ideal to make me sleepy. I tried to watch some television, but nothing seemed interesting enough and anyway, the ridiculously small screen made me dizzy. I laid back on the bed I’d chosen, the one closest to the room’s windows, and sighed deeply as I stared at the ceiling. After a moment lost in my thoughts, I figured a nice, long, warm shower was what I needed to relax, and so I headed to the bathroom. I took off the black tour t-shirt and the worn-out jeans I had on since I changed from my scene clothes right after the show, folded them and discarded them on the bathroom counter. Turning the water on, I waited until it was as hot as a human body could tolerate, and then stepped under it with a sigh of pure and perfect content. This. This was heaven. Facing the water, I let it run on my head, instantly gluing strands of black hair to my face. I almost melted under the heat. It was doing good to my muscles as well, taking away all the tension that could accumulate in my shoulders and arms after more than two hours of aggressive guitar playing. I closed my eyes as water ran down my body, forgetting about the rest of the world, and thus about the time I spent in there.

 

 

***

 

 

Just how late was it? Hazuki had no idea. He didn’t have his watch anymore and he forgot where he left it… Probably somewhere with his stages clothes. At least, he hoped. That watch was freaking expensive and he’d be really pissed off if he needed to buy another one. He grumbled in a low voice about this possible expense while he struggled to force Reo to stand on his own two legs. But the guitarist preferred putting his whole weight on his friend. Hazuki sighed, annoyed.

“Pull yourself together, damn it. It’s not like we drank that much…”

 

The night had been fun, for sure. Reo had been caught a bit too much in the mood, and was now completely gone, barely able to put one foot in front of the other. It was a chance that the bar ended up being pretty close to the hotel, or else Hazuki would’ve been forced to call a taxi to get the musician back to his room. Another expense he didn’t need. So he carried him all the way to the hotel’s hall, pushed him in the elevator, and went up to Reo and Asanao’s room. He knocked on the door once… Twice… Almost dropped the guitarist who suddenly got week in the knees… Knocked a third time while cursing between his teeth. He was about to simply kick off the door when a very sleepy Asanao opened it himself.

“What the h-“ He lost his words when he noticed how Hazuki glared at him.

“Fucking finally.” the vocalist growled before literally pushing Reo in his arms. “Here, that’s yours. You take care of it.”

“Wait, what ?” the drummer squealed in a now clearer voice, all sleep gone away from the effort he had to deploy to not let his roommate fall on the floor. “You’re responsible for this and you’re gonna leave just like that?”

Hazuki arched an eyebrow, not convinced at all. “I’m not responsible for anything. Reo’s capable of getting dead drunk on his own. Besides he sleeps in your room so do something about him. I’m going to sleep.”

 

He didn’t bother to look back at Asanao; he knew the drummer would be all shocked and round eyed and hissing at him and he didn’t mind. That’s what you get for wanting to be in the same room as Reo, he thought to himself as he stumbled in the corridor towards his own room. He stopped before it, trying to calm down a little, in order not to wake Yusuke up like last time. He slowly pushed the door, only to be greeted by silence and darkness, and kicked his shoes off. Assuming that his fellow musician was indeed sleeping, he refrained himself from turning all the lights on, and made his way towards the bathroom in the dark, as discreet as he could be. He needed a shower. He couldn’t take one right after the live, and now his clothes reeked of the beer Reo dropped on him before they decided that to return to the hotel was for the best. Taking a quick shower wouldn’t wake Yusuke up, right? He opened the bathroom door and slipped in, then closed the door, clenching his eyes because of the lights. ...the lights? And then he noticed… The sound of the water running that was blocked by the closed door before. The fresh scent of shower gel and shampoo that lingered in the air. And the silhouette of Yusuke’s body, blurred because of the whitish-glass walls of the shower. Moving slowly… Undulating… So slender… So…

 

 

***

 

 

How easy it is to completely lose track of time, it always stuns me. The sound of droplets of water crashing on the walls and floor of the shower obliterated all of my thoughts, blurred out the entire world, and cut all sounds coming from outside as well. That’s how I missed Hazuki’s return, or maybe it’s also because of him and his efforts to be silent. I’d have to give him points for that later on. I only sprang back to reality when the door of the bathroom opened to let the vocalist step inside. I figured he’d growl at me for still using the shower at this hour, but instead, he froze… Clearly staring at me behind the shower’s walls. Or was that my imagination? Was that… only what I wanted to happen? After all, with all the steam fogging the glass around me, I couldn’t see clearly what was outside at all.

 

“Hazuki?” I tried, hoping that my voice would put an end to his reverie. “You’re back early. Sorry, I’ll be done soon and you’ll have the bathroom…” The intonation I used and the unfinished sentence made it clear that I wanted him to leave so I could get out of the shower and put some clothes back on. But he didn’t move an inch.

“Yusuke…” His voice was hoarse from his late-night drinking. And maybe… Maybe something else was in there too. Something else that rang to my ears and sent powerful shivers down my body, all going through a certain place. Oh god, I didn’t need that now. Not with Hazuki in the room.

“I need a shower.” he went on.

“Yeah, I know, that’s why I’ll be out in a minute.” I answered but regretted having even talked as soon as the words slipped from my mouth: my voice sounded so weak! It almost trembled! I silently cursed myself for this, and Hazuki also. I mean, what was he thinking, barging in a used bathroom like that, and refusing to leave?

 

I almost heard him smirk.

 

“But I need a shower now.”

 

That was his reply. And the voice he purred it in was way lower than before. In my mind flashed a thought: I was not going to get out of this situation easily… But wait... Did I even want to get out of it?

 

I heard steps, yes, but not the usual ruffle of clothes being taken off. I froze, barely breathing. Just where did Hazuki want to lead this? I didn’t have to wait too long for the answer to come: the sliding door of the cabin was roughly pulled on and the vocalist stepped in the shower. With his clothes on. I barely had the time to think that he would drench them acting this careless before he stepped closer to me. Too close. My breath got caught in my throat. I wanted to ask him what was going on, but I couldn’t. I felt his breath on the crook of my neck, tickling the skin, and it lingered of strong alcohols. The singer was definitely drunk. That could explain why he placed both his hands on my hips and pushed me in the shower’s wall, tackling me strongly enough so I couldn’t move even if I wanted to. Which was not the case, but I wasn’t sure if Hazuki knew about that or not. He pressed himself against my back, finally unblocking my throat from which escaped a plaintive moan. He stopped at the sound, and I held my breath unconsciously: I think we were both surprised by the tone of my voice, how transformed it was. I felt the stickiness of his clothes, completely soaked from the shower which was still spilling hot water. I felt his body shift against mine as he stretched to reach my ear, then darted his tongue out and traced its outline. I shivered.

 

“Yusuke…” This rough and low voice again, and lips wandering on my ear lobe, then sucking on it not-so-gently. I liked that. But Hazuki didn’t have to know about it. Face almost pressed onto the beige ceramic wall, I tried to turn my head to catch a glimpse of the singer’s expression, but failed. It was harder than it seemed. He paralyzed me. All I could do was let a small, unsure strand of voice escape my lips...

“...what ?”

I didn’t even try to sound convincing anymore. Hazuki had a low chuckle, then left my ear to press his lips to my neck, half-kissing half-nibbling on the soft flesh. Eyes wide in both surprise and trouble, I didn’t know how to react. It felt... so good. So damn good! And yet so out of place and weird, since I spent the last months trying to convince myself that Hazuki was one, out of my reach, and two, straight.

 

Well, obviously, I had been wrong. First, the singer stepped into my reach on his own accord, at least for the moment. Hell, I didn’t even have to ask for his presence, he granted it himself. I did not expect that. And then, he was either swinging both ways or in denial or his true sexual urges, because no drunk straight man, even as intoxicated as could be, would step in a shower with another naked man and enjoy it this much. Yeah, sure, Hazuki had spent hours and loads of money in bars with dancers or flirted with countless women fans after lives, but I could feel no straightness in his present actions. At all. I knew from his overall attitude – or was it from the fact that he was clearly getting hard as he pressed against my back? – that he wasn’t as straight as he wanted the medias and our fans to believe. He had no idea how ecstatic, and how utterly afraid, this made me.

 

I whimpered through my bitten lips, helpless, as Hazuki slid his arms around my stomach and pulled me towards him. He shifted his nibbles to my shoulder. I shook. I tried to conceal the shivers that ran through me up to the very tips of my fingers, but at some point, I just started shaking too much. He noticed it immediately, a sign of concern I didn’t expect, and backed off slightly from the wall to give me air and some space; I promptly placed my hands on the tiles to get what I could of a grip. The contact of the cold ceramics did ground me a bit more, but I still felt like my knees would buckle at some point. This whole situation was unbelievable.

 

“Yu…” I stopped breathing. One of his hands was lower that it should have been, fingers teasing the skin around my navel. He was too close to my… Oh god. And his voice. His damned, wicked, bewitching, delicious voice.

“You want this, don’t you?” How he paused after stating the obvious, how he only lightly lifted his head from my shoulder blade to speak, how his breath tickled me; everything was just too perfect. What did he expect me to answer anyway? Who would bluntly refuse him, of all people, especially after getting this far?

“God, yes.” I whispered on a shaky tone.

I wasn’t about to let this opportunity slip away. Even if it wasn’t meant to live up to my expectations, even if it was to be only a onetime thing, even if I knew that my band leader was drunk and not himself anymore, I said yes. For the salvation of months of agony over how beautiful and desirable and fucking perfect Hazuki was, I just had to say yes.

 

The least is to say that he didn’t waste any time after that. I had figured that the lyricist would be pretty straightforward in bed and that he’d slip in the leading role easily, from studying his everyday attitude – and fantasising about him fucking me often, I admit – but actually living it was way different from what I imagined. I was different. More affected, more sensitive. I was used to sex with men: being the only openly gay member of the band, I rarely felt guilty about having sex with some male fans when they hit on me. But I usually was the calm lover type, the kind that breathed more than moaned, stayed clear minded and focused on pleasuring partners first. But Hazuki made me loose all of my habits, messed with my senses so deeply that I could barely remember where we stood and why the air around me was so saturated with moisture and heath. I didn’t even notice when he reached away to stop the shower. If that’s not a sign…

 

He lowered a hand and reached out for my obvious erection, around which he curled his surprisingly long, bony fingers, like he would have with his mike. I felt loved... Then he started jerking me off and I lost it. I barely remember his other hand holding my torso against his own, my back brushing against his damp clothes. I rocked my hips into his hand, trying to keep an overall sensual feeling to the movement but growing more desperate by the minute. He didn’t miss the reaction. He curled his lips into a satisfied smile, which I could feel on the skin of that very sensitive region right behind my earlobe, and sped up his work. I bit my lips in an effort not to moan too loud, but hummed through it anyway. At some point, he was also twisting his wrist and fingers while he focused his attentions on my tip, and that was just too much for me.

“Ha-…Hazuki, stop, I’ll cum if you-…!”

How long is a man supposed to last in the hands of the one person he’s been masturbating to for months, eh? I wasn’t prepared to take any blame about how fast I would be.

“F…” Just as I was about to get there, the singer stopped all motion and released me. The sudden clash of burning skin and cold misty air made me shriek and in a split second the idea of cumming was gone. Ok, fine, I did ask him to stop, but that was brutal.

 

I wanted to voice out my disapproval of his drastic methods but once again, he forced my breath to get caught in my throat:

“I’m not done yet…” he stated in a raspy voice, “So don’t get ahead of me.”

He wasn’t done…? My heart skipped a beat. Or two. Or a lot, probably way more than it’s healthy to, in fact. So much for self-control, I congratulated myself. I didn’t have the time to enjoy the sarcasm though since Hazuki backed away from me, sloppy sounds of wet and heavy clothing included. I turned my head slightly towards him, wondering just why he would step away, but the puzzled look in his face as he eyed through the various small free bottles of cheap stuff to use in a shower provided by the hotel explained it all. I didn’t react; he decided on the body lotion vial, guessing that it would be more comfortable for me than if he used shampoo or conditioner, the other two available lubricants. That surely wasn’t the healthier replacement for real lube, but I couldn’t care less at that point. I did pack some before the tour started – you never know who you might meet! – but the said bottle was hidden somewhere in my luggage, placed near the bed in the other room. Which meant it was too far. Everything beyond the bathroom door was too far.

“That would work, if that’s fine with you.”

Through all the craze and the desire, he still managed to be concerned. I might have felt touched if I didn’t want him to fuck me so badly.

“Whatever.” I urged him.

He got the message.

 

Before I realized it, he had opened the lotion bottle and coated his fingers with it. I squirmed at the initial contact, the lotion being slightly too cold to be comfortable, but Hazuki’s large hand applying pressure on a side of my hips to keep me from moving calmed me. There was something soothing about how he handled me, how secure he was through all this. I was the one who made all the fuss. I let out a deep breath in rhythm with the first finger he pushed into me, opening for him without resistance. I did say I was used to it. Subsequent fingers were added at regular intervals, since I accepted them so easily. I didn’t see the band leader’s face, so I couldn’t tell if he expected such a thing of me or if he was surprised, but he sure enough wasn’t thrown back by it. I felt the hand holding my hips in place leave me, and heard the sound of a belt buckle being opened and pants being unbuttoned. I was so mesmerized by these dreamy metallic notes that I almost forgot he was still fingering me eagerly. I remembered when he stopped though, taking a moment to ready himself before presenting me with something else more interesting. Here we are, I thought silently, the point of no turning back, while the only words I could breath out were “Oh my god”s. He didn’t take me right away; instead he slid between my ass cheeks, coating his shaft with whatever amount of lotion he smeared on me previously. I wasn’t that far from going insane: I didn’t need concern now, I needed to have him.

“Fuck me already.” I hissed, my words almost chocked from apprehension. He had yet again one of his low chuckles.

 

And he took me. To more than half of his length, in one slick motion. I definitely couldn’t hold my voice anymore and let one clear moan of appreciation slip out of my lips; it echoed ever so slightly on the shower walls and the glass doors, so we both heard how needy my voice sounded. Tears filled my eyes, but not from pain, because really, there barely was any; it was more from being overwhelmed. You see, the fact that I was actually having sex with Hazuki, that all of this was real, only reached my brain at that precise moment. That was a bit too much for me to swallow at once, and the tears served as a release for some of the stress and tension involved. As cheesy as this may appear, I truly felt happy enough to cry.

 

I also happened to feel really close to cumming again, another consequence of being this caught up in the moment. But the singer wanted me to restrain myself, first, and second, I wanted this fleeting situation to last as long as humanly possible. I took deep and slow inspirations to calm myself. Hazuki started moving, pushing himself in up to his base. I swallowed what I could of an even louder moan, then remembered that the coldness of the tiles of the wall brought me back on earth before. This time, I bended forward and put my forehead against the ceramic. This close to my brain, as I hoped, the cold did me good, and I was able afterwards to focus on the delicious feeling of Hazuki sliding in and out of me instead of the fear of not lasting long enough. God, he felt like heaven. It took me a while to adjust to his preferred rhythm, but after number of thrusts, I started rolling my hips along, meeting him halfway so the whole movements were more intense for the both of us. I think it’s around that time he started to purr in the lowest intonation I ever heard from him. That made me feel special, you know, that such a renown signer had kept a part of his voice for me. I tried to accompany him, but my moans weren’t nearly as harmonized as his lovable growls of content.

 

We stayed in rhythm for a while, I couldn’t judge how long, and frankly I didn’t care since it was the best I’ve felt for years. To no extend did I want it to stop, but it seemed my partner wasn’t of the same opinion: he slowed down gradually, then bluntly stopped, and even pulled out a little.

“Why are you…?” I started, but I froze as the most terrific wave of anxiety slashed through my entire self. Yes, it was more blazing than the nervousness I had to hide the first time I stepped on a stage, guitar in hand. Doubts and other frightening thoughts ravaged my mind: Hazuki realized what he was doing and freaked out? He really didn’t want me, right? Him wanting me was just an after effect of the alcohol he drank earlier tonight and he acted on a whim upon noticing me in the shower? All of this had been a lie? I felt a faint nausea dawning in my stomach and my chest tighten. And then…

“I want to see your face.”

“…eh?”

Yeah, that’s the more eloquent I managed to be at the time. I didn’t know how my band leader handled his, probably numerous, past one night stands, but I usually made them as impersonal as possible. I had trouble indulging in eyes-in-eyes sex with someone I didn’t love or wouldn't see anymore starting the next morning. I was shocked, filled with questions but finding no believable answer, to the extent that I didn’t even react when Hazuki pulled out, grabbed my shoulders gently to make me face him, and lift one of my legs up to the height of his elbow. I woke up from the questioning when he took me again, when I felt the most intense eyes gazing on me, looking right through my very soul. I fought back the tears that I felt crawling up. Hazuki’s eyes were filled with so much fire, I didn’t want to extinguish it with foolish tears. He noticed how troubled I was, and bended down so his lips brushed mine.

 

Don’t know about others, but I wouldn’t kiss a fling. I would only kiss someone I wanted to stay with. That was the sign I needed. Laying all my weight against the shower wall behind me - so I wouldn’t topple and ruin everything – I put my arms around his shoulders and yanked him forward in a heated kiss. He didn’t even hesitate to answer, not when I opened my lips as a silent but effective invitation, nor when I let him take control of the kiss. I let moans die on his lips as he was fucking me deeply, as his stomach brushed constantly on my erection, as he kissed me all at once. I’d lie if I said I had any self-control left at this point. I broke the kiss to gasp out for air as I felt the long awaited wave of pleasure wash over me, and came between our bodies. I think I do tighten when reaching orgasm, since Hazuki growled a “Fuck! So tight…!”, then thrust a few more times and released himself inside of me.

 

We both took a minute to catch our fleeting breaths. I had the hardest time remembering how to breath normally, let alone forcing my heartbeat to go back to a steady rhythm. I felt his stare on me, lifted my chin to meet his eyes... He had that classic, after-sex glow, and look filled with content. I probably gazed back with a mix of profound disbelief and swirling questions, with a hint of near-hysterical joy. Probably not the sexiest of expressions. He cracked a soft smile at me, before giving me my leg back and slipping out. I bit my lips in an effort to seem unaffected. Somehow, he didn’t notice, his eyes lingering on my thighs; his smile widened.

“I think you’ll need another shower. I’ll take mine tomorrow morning.”

By the time I noticed – felt, to be precise – what he meant, he had already stepped out of the shower and started to dry his mouth watering body with a towel. Yeah, he knew what he was doing, knew that I’d enjoy the view, and frankly he didn’t seem to mind. Ah, Hazuki and his ego.

 

My cheeks bright red and burning, I turned the water back on. At least that way I’d have a reason for my skin to be crimson.

 

 

***

 

 

I came out of the bathroom trying to dry my hair with a towel, in my not so elegant pyjamas consisting of overworn dark gray loose pants and a Lynch t-shirt from the present tour. The manager gave us all a few of those for promotional purposes, but I ended up sleeping in them most of the time, instead of wearing them to fan meetings and interview like I should. Blame that on the surprisingly soft material they were made of. Hazuki stood at the other end of the room, half sitting on the windowsill, smoking. And he was only in his pants. I swear, the line of his back was sinfully gorgeous. I had a hard time swallowing. He noticed me eventually, after I took a few steps his way, and turned towards me.

“Want one?” he asked, and held out his cigarette box.

I didn’t smoke the same brand as his, but eh, I figured I wouldn’t mess up the smooth atmosphere over such a trivial matter. I was well aware of how cheesy this sounded, but that was me. I probably didn’t give out this impression at first glance, but I was especially aware of small details such as shifts in atmospheres. So I accepted and pulled out a cigarette from his box. He reached for his lighter, still on the sill, and gave me fire. He did that a lot in the past, when I acted like a klutz and forgot my lighter in my bags before going out for a live, or even at home before embarking on a tour. That one time was the worst: I had been forced to ask around for fire every single time I wanted to go for a smoke until we finally had enough free time for me to shop for a new lighter. But after what happened in the shower, the singer’s small demonstration of kindness bore a whole new meaning.

 

We smoked in silence for a while, averting each other’s eyes. I wanted to speak, hell, I had two tons of questions I wanted to ask the vocalist, but I was afraid my voice would come as a screech from the stress overdose. That would also ruin the moment. Staring at the swirls of white smoke we both produced, I recalled an interview I did some months ago, the classic “100 questions” any Japanese rock band looking to be known went through... They asked me at one point if I was the kind of man that would confess straight out to the girl I liked or preferred to keep my feelings inside. Aside from laughing at the general usage of “girl” in that question, I answered a “I would”, then pondered, and added a very meaningful “maybe...” at the end of my line. Well, in this very moment, I was deep in the maybe part. I was filled with doubt and fear, the kind everyone gets at the end of a wonderful dream, you know, when you desperately want to hang to the dream, but you know that there’s a chance you’ll wake up and everything will vanish? That specific feeling. Needless to say that my chest was tight with anxiety.

 

But I had to ask.

“So um...” I croaked, “how did you know about... hum...”

Hazuki glared at me from the side and smirked, probably at my inability to voice out what we both knew I felt.

“Come on Yu, who are you kidding?” I shrieked at the remark but he continued anyway. “I’m your band leader, remember? It’s my job to know what’s going through my member’s heads. That, and I’m not blind, too. You looked at me like you wanted to rip my clothes off on the spot for some months now.”

Hazuki and his straightforwardness, I thought to myself. He even allowed himself a slight pause, so his revelation would correctly set in, and then dropped another bomb.

“I think everyone else knows, actually...” His tone was filled with fake wonder. That woke me up and loosened my vocal capacities.

“W-wait, what? What do you mean, everyone knows?”

“Asanao’s the one who made me notice. What was it he said...” His gaze moving upwards as he made an effort to recall the memories, he slightly bit his lower lip, for a split second, but that was enough to make me shiver again. Damned be that sexy singer! “Oh yeah, it was “hey man, ‘seen how Yusuke’s got his I-want-to-get-fucked expression on and he’s looking straight at you?” or something along the lines.”

“He said what?!” A sure thing was Asanao would hear from me the next morning. And here I thought I used to be subtle about it... “Wait a minute, you said everyone… Who else?”

Hazuki was amused and it rang all through his voice.

“The managing team. Most of the roadies… Oh, and some of the fans too. You haven’t seen all the fanwork about us did you? Damn, some of these girls are pretty good at this fanfiction thing.”

“I… I didn’t read these…” I barely managed to utter as my words turned into dim whispers. I was mortified. And it was not because so many people were aware of my huge crush on Hazuki, nor because I spent almost a year thinking I was good at hiding my game and, in fact, fooled myself. No, what shocked me the most was that I honestly didn’t know about slash fanworks featuring me and my leader, and that was the saddest. thing. ever. I mean, where was all this material when I needed it to jerk off, hun? My lack of knowledge of the internet was depressing. For sure, I wouldn’t miss a single fan story featuring the band in the future. That was my new mission.

 

I sighed. Then took a deep breath. Then looked up at the lyricist. The atmosphere became slightly more serious.

“Since you knew for all this time, why didn’t you do anything about…it…sooner?” Still reluctant to name my feelings, only this time Hazuki didn’t grin back at my hesitation.

“You know me, Yu. I’m all for flirt and fun if it’s for a one night thing with no consequences, but I freeze in front of the real deal, when people’s actual feelings are involved. And I didn’t want to hurt you. That blocked me. I was waiting for the good occasion I guess, for me to gather the courage to change our dynamic, you know? And, well, getting drunk covered in for the courage part-“

“And I in the shower was the occasion.” I finished with a comprehensive smile. Just what I needed to loosen the mood. Hazuki smiled back.

“Yeah.”

Teasing, I pressed on, suddenly way more at ease then when I came out of that bathroom earlier.

“Is that some kind of declaration?”

“It could very well be.”

There he was, his usual flirting, proud self. I winked. He smirked. We extinguished our cigarettes at the same time. And for the first time since Lynch’s first tour, we used only three of the four rented hotel beds.

 

e.n.d

[Matti_19]

You finally wrote it! I enjoyed reading it. I absolutely liked the funny aspects I also liked the fact that the first person was Yusuke. (he's my favorite)

Your English was very good, plus you're a talented writer. Congrats for it!

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

*__* thank you very much or the comment!! I'm really glad that you liked it~~

 

Glad the mood I wanted got across, I wanted it to be funny since Lynch.'s members are silly and laid back in real life.

 

Oh so your favourite is Yusuke eh? I didn't know before but it's even more awesome this way ^__^ I'm myself a huge Hazuki fan, but Yu's perspective suited the story a lot better I think.

[Miro]

I like this fanfiction!!! To be honest, I didn't know the band, but it was a great idea with the photos in the start on the fiction.

It helped me visualize them better.

 

PS: now I'm curious how they sing

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

Yes yes, that's the reason I thought of posting pictures as well ^__^ Yaoi is better if you have a clear picture of how sexy the band members are ^_~ Glad you enjoyed it even though you didn't know the band!

If you want to discover them, here are a few suggestions of good songs: Adore, Ambivalent Ideal, I Believe in Me (you can find those on youtube, there PVs) or the album The Avoided Sun (that you can probably find easily on the internet~). There's also the theme song of the fanfic, All This I'll Give You, which I posted in the first message, in the spoiler. ^^

Hope you'll like them!

[Aki]

I liked it as well! Will you write more fanfictions with Lynch?

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

Thank you very much for reading it and commenting ^____^ Makes me very happy~

I am currently writing another fanfic including Lynch and a few other bands, with Hazuki as the main character this time, only it's in French, unfortunately. u_u'''''''' I'm sorry. I don't know if I'll translate it or not since it's already pretty advanced. But Lynch being one of my favourite bands, I'll probably write another one in English eventually, since there's a demand ^^

I'll definitely keep writing in English for the forum so keep an eye out ^_-

[Karin]

The shower scene was hot!!! :7yoyo10: I wanna read more! :valentine32:

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

Fufufu, thank you very much ^_~ I always thought that showers were one of the hottest settings for a sex scene so I love writing them XD Writing more hot yaoi action is in my plans, don't worry XD

[Yurusumaji]

You definitely have a knack for this! This was an absolute pleasure to read. You have a very special talent and I look forward to future stories from you.

[Nitro+Chiral_Fan]

Aaaaw~~ wow thank you very much, that was very sweet of you. I'm glad you enjoyed it so much, comments like these mean a lot to me~ ^____^

Yes, I will definitely write more in the future, there's no better motivator than people reading me and having fun through it~

[venos]

thanks i will be read this:hamtaro-005 (8):