Halp. Advice needed, please. T_X

[Kisaru]

Ooookay. So, I need some unbiased opinions on a very...rough situation. My mom and dad recently, and I mean like...earlier in the year recently, got divorced. I'm living with my mom, whom I've been living with for the...well...pretty much my entire life. My dad moved out and he's in Missouri, where as I, am in North Carolina. Alright, setting down? Good. Here's the problem:

 

I'm broke, with no job, no car, and hardly any way to get out of the house...pretty much ever, unless it's to go get the mail, or visit my aunt and uncle that live down the street. And this, is rare in itself. My mom, sister and I have been living on food stamps and whatever money we can bring in via online websites like Swagbucks and SuperPoints, art commissions that my sister does, and the financial aid refund checks she gets for being in school. This is all well and good, even though things are really tight (we don't even have hot water. I mean, c'mon. Cold showers: They suck.) we're managing to get by. Barely.

 

But... my dad's contacted me recently, and said that I have a room there with him. He lives in the city, so there are places (that are hiring) close enough to his place that I can walk, or ride his bike to get to. He can help me get a car, as long as I work to pay half, and I can cook, clean, ect to help out while I'm there. This is a great opportunity for me to actually GET a life, as lame as that is. With gas prices being extremely high, and public transportation not reaching this far out in the country, getting a job here is next to impossible, since the closest place that's hiring is like, 10 miles from my house.

 

Sounds like a no-shit kinda deal, right? Wrong. Oh, so-so-so-so wrong. My mom and my sister HATE my dad, because he left us last January with a car with bad tires (which we had to sell to get the rent money) and little money to work with. They pretty much blow up at me whenever I mention my dad in a good light, because they can't seem to see past their own opinions about him, which is that he's nothing more than a selfish pig that leeches off of whatever he's close to, and when there's nothing left, he moves on to the next thing. (Kinda like those Alien-things in Doctor WHO.)

 

Anyway. I want to move, but I have no fucking idea how to tell my mom and my sister. It's Monday, 3am, and I'm stressing like hell over this, because he's gonna be coming down here on Friday. I doubt I'll be packing much of my stuff, because...yeah, it's gonna be hell. My mom's convienced that if I go live with my dad, I'll be choosing him over her, and thus, abandoning her, walking out of her life just like everyone else does, ect, ect. Guilt trip x fricken infinity, anyone?

 

I've decided that I AM going to go, but I'm not sure how I should break the news to my mom. She doesn't even know I talk to him, let alone that I'm planning to pack up and move in with him. (Okay, so, she DOES know, but she's choosing to deny it. Like always; tell her something she doesn't want to hear and she blocks out everything but the worst part of the scenario.)

 

I love my mom and my sister, but we don't always see eye to eye. ...Okay, that made me laugh. We hardly EVER see eye to eye anymore. We're either too much alike, or we're too different, because either way, we're almost always fighting with one another. She's even told me, on numerous occassions, that these fights are gonna stress her out into a heart attack or stroke or whatever else might cause her to just drop dead. (Dramatic? Maaaaybe, but that's just my family.)

 

I'm seriously starting to feel like a bone being fought over between dogs, or, as my grandmother put it, a lone piece of cheese between two slices of bread. Which side to I ultimately stick to? Why can't I just melt and stick to both the damn slices, and have a somewhat gooey grilled cheese sandwhich? ...Okay, now I've just made myself hungry. Ugh.

 

If anyone could help me out, I'd reeeeeally appreciate it. I think this is the longest post I've written here, and...one of the few times I HAVE posted here, unless there's already been a thread started, that is. But, yeah. I'd greatly appreciate it if anyone had any tips, suggestions, words of wisdom, or just quirks of humor that could help ease this stress.

 

Thanks to those who took the time to read this rambling, (sorry in advance for any spelling/grammar mistakes) and thanks again for those, if any, try to help.

 

♥~ Kisaru

[sarah3161]

well Kisaru , you said the divorce was just recently so its not a surprise that your mother hates anything about your father

even about the good things he does. and i am sure your sister is your mother’s best friend so she takes her mother’s side..

 

your broke and your father is giving you a good opportunity (it might be the only one.you might lose it if you wait)

so if you wanna take it and go ... make sure to call your mother all the time and talk to her about small details about your daily life so she can see your love to her ...

 

i am sure she will be angry about it a first but it's your life that you need to build it...

i am sure she will be less bothered about it with time and when she sees that you are doing fine (even if she doesn't acknowledge it)

 

i don't know about your sister.. if she is your mother’s best friend .then she will get soft after your mother be less hard about it

 

i don't know if that helps you ,,,but good luck ^o^

[nicicia]

To me it sounds like your mother is just afraid of being abandoned. But you need to go and earn money and get yourself a life. You make sure you tell your mother and sister that this is something you're doing for yourself, and it has absolutely nothing to do with your parents' divorce.

 

Make sure you stay calm and NEVER shout or show anger. Make sure to tell your mother that you love her, and will always be there, and never abandon her or your sister. And hug them, and tell them you love them and always will no matter what happens. You are not choosing your dad over them, you are moving in with your dad temporarily so you can get a job and earn a living. And then on day you'll get your own place to live.

 

Also, make sure you tell your mother that you will call her often and tell her about your day.

 

That's my advice ^^

[Belita]

I agree both with Nic and Sarah...

You're going thru a harsh time, even if mom disagrees you should talk to her properly and do explain her your decision calmly... I do think you should go!

However, i sincerely doubt that'll be really necessary since you do live in a very bad condition girl, she just needs to have a good look at your(the 3 of you) situation...

As a mother, she should first and foremost think about her children well being not make their lives even more miserable, no matter how much that hurts her... :/

I'm not saying i don't understand your mother. As a matter of fact i do understand and pretty well, unfortunately...

But she needs to give you an opportunity to settle your own life, she's your guardian... She should think of your and your sister's well being first, no matter how badly she hates your father gutts...

Talk to her...

Explain her she mustn't see your moving as "choosing sides"...

Actually, tell her to take a good look around her, and make her truly see the dificulties you're facing and that you're not satisfied living in that kind of enviroment...

 

I can't tell you if she'll be saying ok or not... In my opinion i think she's still gona freak out over it.

But make sure after moving to visit, call and be there for her...

Sooner or later she'll understand...